Tips and Inspiration for
First-Time Grandparents
Tips and Inspiration for
First-Time Grandparents
"Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild."
- Welsh proverb
Not Your
Grandmother's
Grandmother
Adair Lara is the author of the book The Granny Diaries.
I was 51 when my now 6-year-old granddaughter, Ryan, was born. I thought that was so shockingly young – where was I going to find an apron and learn to crochet doilies on such short notice? – then I was astounded when I realized that my own grandmother, Dorothy, was 52 when I was born.
You could have knocked me over with a ball of yarn. That old lady? My grandma had been a bit of a coquette with boyfriends, a working woman with a job at Metropolitan Insurance in San Francisco, and a past as a member of the Women's Army Corps (my grandma really did wear army boots!), but by the time I was 10, she already had a white braid wrapped around her head and two Siamese cats wrapped around her ankles. She was old. It made perfect sense that she would babysit us whenever she was needed, and measure us for sweaters as long as she was there.
But I'm not old. I work. I travel. I'm looking forward to time to myself, with my husband, with my friends.
I have books to write, classes to teach, and a husband who wants to go to France. I'm not sitting in a room hoping the phone will ring. (Nor do I have gray hair, though children's books still depict us that way.)
What do grandmothers do? That's what we new grandmothers have to decide. The concept of grandparenting is going to have to be reinvented to reflect the reality of our lives. I can't pick up my granddaughters after school, but I can turn my spare bedroom into a playroom and see them every chance I get. I can't always babysit, but I still help out when it matters most. I don't have time to change all the diapers my grandmother did, but I can write checks. I can let both my granddaughters and my daughter know that I can be counted on, that I am here, and if I'm not here I will call.
My granddaughter Ryan said to me one day, a trifle smugly, "Bobbie, you're old and I'm new." That's grandparenting today – it's old, and it's new. If you're a grandparent today, you're in the vanguard, a pioneer, an individual. Have fun not only finding the perfect onesie for your grandbaby but also finding the perfect grandparent name and grandparenting style that fit you. Welcome to the club and let the fun begin!
A lot has changed
since you
had a
baby
Best for Baby?
Moniker of the Moment
Most Popular Baby Names
TV Mom
Overpopulated Families
Hot Gadget
Staying Connected
Baby on Board
Best Baby Sleeping Position
Births to Single Moms
Working Moms With Young Children
»1970s 1980s 1990s 2000s 2010s »
Formula
Housewife
Michael & Jennifer
Marion Ross
Eight is Enough
Walkman
Friendship bracelet
Your lap
On the belly
18%
46%
Breast milk
SAHM (Stay-at-Home Mother)
Jacob & Emma
Sharon Osbourne
Jon & Kate Plus 8
iPhone
Facebook friend
NTSB-approved car seat
On the back
36%
65%
What will they call you?
There are many ways to arrive at the name your grandchildren will call you, but however you – or they – decide on one, that name is yours for decades to come. And that's why many grandparents are adopting a proactive approach. "This generation of grandparents takes the whole naming process more seriously than ever," says Lin Wellford, coauthor with Skye Pifer of The New Grandparents Name Book. "How many times in your life do you get to name yourself?"
"How many times in your life do you get to name yourself?"
Some choose an old standby, Grandma or Grandpa, or a name from their cultural heritage. Others have the grandkids call them whatever their kids called their own parents. But picking a name doesn't always work out, Wellford says. "I've heard more stories where the grandchild comes up with a name that may be a mangled, funny version of what he or she hears – nothing that the grandparent would have ever thought of in a million years – but they fall in love with it and that's that."
That's how Deana Barr, 65, of North Fort Myers, Fla., came to be known as Gabadoo to her four grandsons. "When my grandson, Aaron, was younger he had trouble saying Grandma and he pronounced it Gaba," she says. "One day we were cuddling and I asked him,
'Who loves you?' and he answered, 'Gaba do!' So I became Gabadoo or just Gaba. I love it because it's different and it sets me apart."
Meet "Grand Dude"
When Harry Rosen's first grandson arrived, the 57-year-old dentist in Pittsford, N.Y., declared that he wanted to be known as Grand Dude. "It's a little different and distinctive and it has a touch of silliness," Rosen says. But he concedes that it's possible that he'll become known as Grand Dud. "I can live with that," he says.
"They can call me anything they want – as long as they call me!"
What Kind of Grandparent
Will You Be?
Will you have a hard time saying no, or will it be your way or the highway? Will you be traveling the world or chained to your desk? Find out!
"Call me Grandma
and I'll kill you."
The Hipster
You take pride in always being in the know. You can tell a Gossip Girl from the Cheetah Girls, you showed your grandsons what happens when you mix Mentos and soda, and your text-messaging skills are unrivaled.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
The latest album from synthpop band MGMT.
Best Thing About Being a Grandparent:
Too many of your friends have moved into the phase of life when nothing seems as good as it once was. Your grandkids make sure you never grow out of touch.
Must-Have: Your iPhone.
Grandparent Name: None. Your first name still works fine, thanks.
Your Ideal Day: You walk the neighborhood together, just rapping about life, love, and music. Hours pass unnoticed.
"My way or the highway."
The
Enforcer
You don't care how sweetly those little faces smile up at you, the rules are the rules. Someone has to keep order around here and you aren't afraid to step up.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
Emily Post's The Gift of
Good Manners.
Best Thing About Being
a Grandparent:
You relish the opportunity to help a new
generation grow up with a strong sense of right and wrong and you take pride in your good little citizens.
Must-Have:
Your day-planner.
Grandparent Name:
Hers: No-Na. His: Grumpy.
Ma'am and sir work fine, too.
Your Ideal Day:
You take a gang of grandkids out in public and you never have to raise your voice. They act like little ladies and gentlemen, and everyone enjoys the day out together – even you.
"Of course you can, honey."
The Spoiler
For you, being a grandparent means getting all the fun and sweet parts of parenting with none of the responsibility, arguments, and guilt.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
Whatever the grandkids want. Sky's the limit.
Best Thing About Being a Grandparent:
The word "yes." As a parent, you spent
decades of your life saying the word "no"
and you think that was enough. The
pleasure of indulging their little fantasies
is indescribable.
Must-Have:
Your American Express Card.
Grandparent Name:
Hers: Lovey. His: Big Daddy.
Your Ideal Day:
You drive up to their house pulling
a bulky trailer. Inside is the beautiful
pony of their dreams.
"Time is money."
The
Executive
You enjoy being a grandparent, but you have come too far to give up on your career now. Your schedule is more demanding than ever,
but you will make
time for those sweet
faces – when you can.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
The hot toy your assistant read about on the internet.
Best Thing About Being a Grandparent:
Unplugging. You spend your whole life being
accessible by countless forms of
communication. Spending time away from
it all with your grandkids is a cherished escape.
Must-Have:
Your BlackBerry.
Grandparent Name:
Hers: Beemer. His: Grand Daddy.
Your Ideal Day:
Together you venture into the wilderness and completely off the grid. You milk as much quality time as you can, but are back in time for the next important meeting.
"I'll send you a postcard."
The
Globetrotter
After your retirement, you set out to see every corner of the globe, and grandchildren are not going to change that. Besides, you like the kind
of role model that you
are to them.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
The best-selling book 1000 Places to
See Before You Die.
Best Thing About Being a Grandparent:
You love inspiring your grandchildren to think big and consider the world around them. You also enjoy regaling them with all your exotic stories.
Must-Have:
Your guidebook.
Grandparent Name:
Hers: Go-Ma. His: Skipper.
Your Ideal Day:
You head out into a vibrant city to go geo-caching with them and their eager young minds. You have the kind of amazing scavenger hunt you dreamed of as a child.
"Live and let live."
The
Environmentalist
Prior generations may
have underestimated
their impact on the health
of our planet, but not you.
You know that responsible
living is essential for
your grandchildren's
generation.
Gift You're Likely to Give:
The Wind Power play set.
Best Thing About Being a Grandparent:
You love passing on a respect for all Earth's creatures and teaching your grandkids to live in harmony with nature. The tickle fights are fun too.
Must-Have:
Your ENVIROSAX reusable shopping bag.
Grandparent Name:
Hers: Mama Earth. His: Papa Rain.
Your Ideal Day:
You prepare lunch using food from local, sustainable farming and then work in the family garden together.
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Barbara Graham's
7 Laws of
Grandparenting
On the one hand, it was so simple. There was a new baby, Isabelle Eva, and there was nothing to do except love her. That was the one hand. The other hand, belonging to her parents, held all the cards. I soon learned that I could love my granddaughter fiercely, but I had no say – in anything. She was mine, but not mine. Although this is perfectly natural and should not have shocked me, it did. (Okay, I admit that on occasion the word bossy has been used to describe my behavior. Still.)
For many parents used to being in charge, deferring to the rules and wishes of our adult children and their partners is humbling. Here are a few guidelines that – so far – have kept me out of hot water.
