How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You

Feel like you're being tuned out? Is it never the right time to have a conversation? Read on to thaw the listening freeze.

By Ellen Breslau
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Comments

I have a problem reference your listening article. So far, my husband is very angry and advised I had better not bring it up again.
It is about hygiene and taking care of himself and going out the door looking ready to conduct business, as he is 70 and still has a career. I am 63 and try to keep my appearance up as I take pride in myself and want to appear to be the best I can.
As we age, it seems we need to take more care with with our grooming. So how can I suggest a solution to this situation without upsetting the apple cart?

cchudada@comcast.net on 2013-10-08 09:37:33

Just saw your reply, Mama Cares! Sorry I wasn't back in here sooner. I'm so sorry your husband seems to make it difficult to communicate. But I'll bet there are more wives that have this problem than you know. Why don't you come over to the Community area and talk to people in one or more of the groups there? Just click on Community below - or at the very-top of this page - and you'll see it! As long as you're a GP.com member, all you have to do is log/sign in (as you have to do here) and you can post in any group. (If you want to read, for a while, w/o posting, and get a feel for different forums, you can do that, too, of course. Or start with Club Newcomer and go from there. ) Best to you, whatever you decide!

rosered135 on 2013-10-02 15:03:19

Thanks Rosered135 for some suggestions about my problem. Unfortunately, sending my husband and email about needing to talk, no matter how carefully worded, did not solve the problem. He immediately became defensive when I tried it this week. Wanted to know what he'd done wrong and denied doing anything. So, we were already off on the wrong foot. Praising him later, while trying to get to the actual discussion I wanted to have, only made him tell me to hurry up and get to the point, he wanted to watch a movie. Of course, that made me feel awful, so I just dropped the whole thing and decided the situation would only get worse which was not my plan at all.

I'm guessing that no one (or not many wives) have this problem. Maybe I've been too docile during our marriage, but it did make it easier when raising our kids. Now, I'd like to strengthen our relationship, but I can't do it alone; it takes two. There are many things that happened during our marriage that I ignored so that our kids could have a two-parent family and I won't bring them up, but I'd like to see us have a future as a couple, not two people just sharing a house.

Anyway, thank you Rosered135. It meant a lot to me that you cared enough to try to help me!

Mama Cares on 2013-09-19 21:00:02

Then again, Mama Cares, I suppose that sending him a message that you'd like to talk might make him worry, "'What did I do?'" contrary to #2. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to reconcile those 2 points?

Anyhow, if you decide you don't want to do that, then maybe starting with a compliment, as #2 suggests would get his attention? Best of luck, either way!

rosered135 on 2013-09-14 14:20:21