Online Dating: Dos and Don'ts That'll Get You Noticed!
Up your luck on the online dating scene with these 5 profile-writing tips.
By Nancy Sharp
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Give Yourself a Dating Advantage
If you’re single and over 50, chances are good that either you want to date again, or your friends and family are after you to do so. In fact, the 50-plus set represents the fastest-growing group of Internet dating users, according to a study by Lehman Brothers. But how do you write a profile that attracts the right people for you?
“Dating requires that you sell yourself,” says Denver-based Carolyn Bushong, LPC, psychotherapist, marriage counselor, and dating and life coach. “People over a certain age tend to talk about their grandchildren, their past lives, or what it’s like to be retiring or retired. That may be what is going on in your life right now, but it’s not sexy. Focus on your future.”
Here, Carolyn's 5 age-tested tips for setting up your dating profile. Read them, then try them out at Match.com, eHarmony or SeniorPeopleMeet.com. -
1. Emphasize your active lifestyle.
Don’t even mention the word retirement because it puts you in a certain category and indirectly says the opposite of an active lifestyle. Instead try, “Since I left my law practice a few years ago, I’ve been volunteering for an animal shelter.” Or, “I teach English as a second language.” Bring your past experience into your profile—what is your expertise? The key is to focus more on what you are doing today than delving into the past. -
2. Answer the question: What makes you an exciting person?
For example, “I’ve traveled to Paris, but I still hope to see Asia someday.” Or, “I’m back in school taking classes in design, something I’ve always been interested in, but never had the time for before.” Demonstrate an appreciation for learning and fun to show that you’re open-minded and not set in your ways. Optimism is attractive and leads to a greater dating life. -
3. Present yourself as sexy without using sexual terms.
Go ahead and admit that you read 50 Shades of Grey. That is sexy. Just don’t talk about your favorite positions or use explicit language. It’s perfectly fine to express what makes you feel sexy. Say, “Here’s a favorite picture of me salsa dancing,” as opposed to “I love to shake my body when I dance.” Select photos where you feel and look your best (but do omit revealing pictures of cleavage and hairy chests!) -
4. Sound financially responsible without offering specifics.
Sell yourself, but don’t oversell, and certainly, never boast. Use simple language like “I support myself financially.” If you are not of economic means, avoid the topic. Somehow you want to get across that you’re independent and can take care of yourself. -
5. Focus on all that is positive in your life.
Have you read a terrific book within the last year? Mastered a new skill, like fly fishing or using a potter’s wheel? Seen a memorable film? Frame your written profile with pleasant experiences, staying away from negative discussions about your knee surgery, cataracts, or any other health ailments. “Women,” says Carolyn, “are more guilty of being upfront about all the things wrong with them, and this can be a real turn-off.” -
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Comments
I am interested in knowing when to mention that I am recovering from alcohol? I do not ever see this addressed. I have a coffee date tonight, (no, I will not mention it first night) and I am curious about what other people think. I am 54 years old and I have not had a drink in 16 and 1/2 years.
Well, August 18, 1996 is my "birthday" in the recovery program of AA.
Any ideas? Some people do not get it. One man who was interested online (on the questionnaire I filled out I answered to drink alcohol, "never or not at all") said, but surely you can have a glass of wine with your beloved?
No, I cannot have a glass of wine, a shot of tequila, a schooner of beer, a pint of ale, none of those things. This did not deter him. Finally, I said. Alcoholics do not drink. I have not had a drink in over 16 years, and he still asked me to share some wine with him?!?!?!
ARRRRGGGGGGHHH!
anyway, my point is, when to bring it up. quickly,, like ripping off a bandaid?
Beth (still in recovery and lovin every minute of it!)
Thanks for the advice. There's a few things I need to change. I'm a 63 year old man who's on Match and Senior People Meet. Point #3 mentions the book "50 Shades of Grey." I'm assuming this book was written for women, but would a man like me gain any insight into a woman's mind by reading it? In other words, would it help me find that "last love" of my life?