7 Ways to Keep Your Spouse from Driving You Crazy!
If you're ready to scream "enough already", take heart and follow this marriage advice.
By Sally Stich
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Wedded Bliss
The kids have flown the coop, and now it’s just you and your spouse. Suddenly, without all the former distractions, your partner’s once tolerable behaviors are now just plain crazy making. What to do? Jennifer Freed, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family counselor in Santa Barbara, CA, offers these solutions to the most common complaints. -
End the Same Old Fight
“For 30 years, we’ve been fighting the same fight. I’m sick of it.”
Fix it: Remember, it takes two to fight the same fight, but only one to change it. If, for instance, your spouse is always late and it’s a constant source of friction, decide from now on you’ll relax and simply let your friends know you’ll always be late, or suggest taking separate cars. Fight over! -
Find Peace with Free Time
“Now that he’s retired my husband has nothing to do, so he follows me around all day, even offering to drive me to meet my friends for lunch.”
Fix it:Without the structure of work, many men turn into baby chicks who need a mother hen. Not a great marriage dynamic, but a temporary one that requires some patience. Keep your annoyance in check. It’s okay to say, “I need some alone time,” and negotiate it. It’s not okay to rescue and make tons of suggestions. He needs to figure out the next chapter of his life. By himself. -
Stop Remodeling Your Spouse
“My wife is always trying to ‘improve’ me.”
Fix it:Get a life, Wife! Honestly, people who are engaged in the world don’t have time to remake other people. Say, “I know you love me but when you spend so much time trying to improve me, I feel like I’m not good enough.” Old habits are hard to break, so keep this as your mantra until she stops saying, “You’d be better if....” -
Make Room for "Me" Time
“My husband’s retired and I still work. When I get home, he just wants to talk. I want to scream, “Shut Up!”
Fix it:Both of you have a valid point of view. Excited to see you, he wants to reconnect. You’ve been dealing with people all day and want downtime. Try this: When you walk in the door, give him a hug and kiss. (This gets your biorhythms back in sync.) Then take some “me” time . Finally, create a ritual for reconnecting—meeting in the living room for a glass of wine and shared stories. (But no complaining for the first 15 minutes.) -
Jealousy? Join In!
“Since we’ve become grandparents, my wife seems only interested in spending time with the grandkids. What about me?”
Fix it:Let’s see—a big whiny baby or a small adorable baby—which would most women choose? It’s a no-brainer! Your best option: Get involved with the grandkids alongside her. You have much to offer and when she sees you doing what she loves to do, she’ll be more amenable to doing what you like. -
Communicate and Compromise
“Now that we have more time and money, I want to travel, but she prefers to stay home.”
Fix it:Just because you have differing visions of retirement doesn’t mean the marriage is doomed. You both need to say what you want. Then play, “Let’s make a deal.” If, for example, you’d like to take six trips a year, ask if she’d come along for two of them—her choice, of course. Otherwise, travel with friends or a group (She’s then obligated to look at your pictures!) -
Live Your Life to the Fullest
“Since my husband stopped working, he has also stopped taking care of himself. I’m mad and scared he’ll get sick—or worse, die.”
Fix it:
Rule #1 of the Universe: You can’t change other people.
Rule #2 of the Universe : Everyone needs to be appreciated as is.
Rule #3 of the Universe: Anyone could die at any time—healthy or not.
Suggestion #1: Make sure your life is robust and full, with or without your spouse. -
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Comments
You sure hit the nail on the head about how we grow apart over the years.... I start to understand the folks who state that monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be. Count ME into the group that is sick unto death of the semi-retired hubby who lays about in pajamas and is nasty and all he EVER wants to do is watch Tv and play with the grandkids. And "talking" about this doesn't help- it's called what CHOICE do you have but to just resign yourself to it? I find myself doing more and more and more with my sister and galpals so I do not even have to LOOK at him.