5 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
If time in the bedroom isn't as romantic as you'd like, try these tips to rev up your sex life.
-
Bring Back Sex
Sex used to be thrilling, passionate, always new. Now, after years together, you’ve settled into a routine that works, sort of, but wouldn’t it be nice if there was some excitement? And wouldn’t it be nice if you actually looked forward to having sex? With some creativity, and a spirit of adventure, you can put the spice back in your sex life. Here’s where to start:
-
1. Make Sex Dates
When you were a new couple, you fantasized about each date for days beforehand. Put the anticipation back in your sex life by scheduling sex dates, looking forward to them with relish, and doing little things to let your partner know that you can’t wait for that first touch.Use mental foreplay: write notes, send sexy texts or phone messages, choose special lingerie for the occasion, put the lubricant in plain sight instead of in a drawer. Schedule your sex dates at least once a week. If you’re worried that this will take away the spontaneity, realize that much of what we used to think of as “spontaneity” was indulging that biological urge that isn’t quite as strong these days. Making sex dates really does work to compensate for the diminished hormonal rush. -
2. Choose High-Energy Times
When do you feel most sexually primed? It’s probably morning or afternoon, not after a meal or at night, so plan sex for the times you have the most sexual energy. To increase that energy, exercise before your date. Any kind of exercise will help, though raising your heart rate by cycling, dancing, or brisk walking will increase blood flow to your whole body, making arousal easier. If you take medications that interfere with your libido, see if timing your meds can work.
-
3. Try Something New
Talk to your partner ahead of time about what the two of you might add that you’ve never tried before. Some ideas: role play a fantasy, buy a new sex toy, blindfold your partner, meet somewhere new and pretend to pick each other up, go to a hotel. The possibilities are endless. If something turns out to be less sexy than you hoped, laugh about it and go back to the tried and true. Approach each new experience with a sense of humor, and bond with laughter as well as with adventure!
-
4. Read Erotica
Why do you think Fifty Shades of Grey became so popular? We were titillated reading about kinky practices that we might or might not like to try in real life. Plus, we got to share vicariously the thrill of new passion and sexual exhilaration. Wherever your fantasies might take you, you can explore sex with a stranger, threesomes, rough sex, sweet sex, whatever you want – just by flipping pages.
Once an erotic tale has revved up your major sex organ – your brain! – take that excitement to your partner. If you have similar erotic tastes, read a selection together—but feel free to keep your fantasies private, too. If your partner is getting the benefit of your renewed sexual interest, you don’t need to reveal the fantasy that started the motor purring!
-
5. Change the Goal
Let’s throw out the notion that “real” sex has to be defined as intercourse leading to orgasm. You can have great partner sex without intercourse entirely! (Some sex therapists call this “outercourse.”) Experiment with ways to pleasure each other – with hands, lips, vibrators, massage – and make the pleasure itself the goal. You and your partner may reach orgasm this way, or sometimes not. That’s not the goal, either. The new goal is to express your love and your sensuality, to celebrate how sexy it is to pleasure each other and ourselves. Letting go of the intercourse-plus-orgasm goal rigidity can take away the pressure to “perform” and allow you to relax into enjoying each other fully again.
-
About the Author
Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Visit Joan’s zesty, award-winning blog about sex and aging, where she continues to talk out loud about Boomer/senior sex, partnered or solo. Naked at Our Age won Outstanding Self-Help Book 2012 from the American Society of Journalists and Authors and Best Book 2012 from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. -
Family & Relationships Menu
Hot Topics
Compatibility Horoscope
How well do you get along with your grandchild and other family members? Want to know if your personalities mesh?
Find out here.
Comments
Hcosiek,, do you mean you no longer ejaculate when using Viagra or a similar drug? It's important to tell your doctor about any change in sexual functioning, especially if it seems related to a medication. Please do this. -- Joan
Is it normal to not have a discharge anymore after using erection helpers? ?
Dennell, how about starting a physical activity together that you both enjoy: dancing, walking, cycling, whatever appeals to you. This will not only help you both shed the extra weight, but also let you enjoy your bodies, which can lead to a richer sex life. It's hard to figure out how to talk about sexual problems in a way that doesn't put your partner on the defensive.
There may be a medical problem that your partner is feeling less sexual -- has he been checked out by his doctor. I know -- men hate to do this, but it can be literally a life saver as well as a relationship saver.
My book, Naked at Our Age, has many helpful tips from experts about how to overcome problems like these. I hope you'll check it out.
I've been with my partner for almost a year & he's not into sex we have it once a week ,that's not enough for me! I'm going to be 41 & he is going to be 38 I know I need to lose some belly weight but he does to! I've talked to him about it but he gets annoyed, what can I do??