How to Read Body Language

Body language, or non-verbal cues are called a "tell" for a reason: they "tell" us a lot about what family members and friends are saying (or not saying, for that matter). So we spoke to the experts to find out what a few common body language cues mean. Now you'll have the inside track into what's really being said.

Alternate cue: Tilting the head at an odd angle

What it means: They're not being honest.

Say you're having a serious discussion with your husband about retirement. You think it's high time you both retire, but, as usual, you're doing all the talking. Your husband verbally agrees with you, but you have a feeling he's not 100 percent onboard with what you're saying. How can you tell?

"Look for asymmetry, which can indicate a difference between what he's saying and what he's really feeling," says Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma. Some examples of facial and body asymmetry include raising one eyebrow or tilting the head at an odd angle.

Alternate cue: Shifting weight from side to side

What it means: They are uncomfortable with the topic.

Any change in behavior is another indication that he or she is uncomfortable with the topic at-hand. "When you bring up a pivotal issue, you're looking for a shift or change from that baseline of calm," says Wood. Some examples include shifting weight from side to side or starting to rub the face, neck or legs."

Other cues that might indicate uncertainty: a slight tilt of the head, pupil dilation, shrugging of the shoulders and frequent blinking, says Tonya Reiman, body language expert and author of The Body Language of Dating.

Alternate cue: A lingering motion that the body seems lifted

What it means: They are truly happy.

You spent days finding what you think is the perfect holiday gift for your daughter-in-law. How can you tell if she really likes the present or if she's just pretending to make you feel good about the purchase?

"When people like a gift they come up," says Wood. "Their whole body comes up, and it stays up." Extending the body upward is a physical expression of happiness, joy and euphoria and can affect a person's hands, head and even voice. She may even reach or gesture toward you in her happiness, which is a connection to you as the gift giver.

Another way to tell you hit the nail on the head: the gift lingers in her presence, meaning she keeps touching it or keeps it near her. If she's faking her excitement, she'll cover up the present and put it away as soon as possible, so she doesn't have to continue the charade.

Alternate cue: A clipped upward body motion

What it means: The person is pretending to be happy.

In the same gift-opening scenario, if the person truly doesn't like the present, she'll also fake going up and then drop down quickly. She'll have a tightness in the face, particularly in her smile, which won't be a lasting one. "A true smile typically doesn't freeze on the face and suddenly disappear," says Wood. "It glides in waves off the face."

Alternate cue: Clipped, to-the-point sentences

What it means: The person doesn't want to do something.

You invite your son and his family to go on vacation with you and your husband. He declines, saying that they don't have the time and can't pull the kids out of school. You know that these are legitimate reasons, but you also have a feeling that he just doesn't want to spend that kind of time with you and your husband. How can you confirm your suspicions?

It's all in the timing. "If they don't want to spend time with you on the vacation, they'll want to switch subjects as quickly as possible," says Wood. Spending more time on the conversation, however, means that they really do wish they could come and want to know what they're going to miss.

If they don't want to come, even their paralanguage (awws and ahhs) will be more clipped instead of an extenuated "awwww darn." You may also notice a tightness in the mouth, which indicates they're withholding their true feelings.

Alternate cues: Getting up when the other person holds attention

What it means: A married couple is having problems.

You've suspected that your brother and his wife are having marital problems. During a family dinner, which he and his wife have been invited to, you pick up on a few things that you think may confirm your suspicions: They don't look each other in the eye. They don't sit close together, nor do they touch each other at any point during the evening. Is this enough to signal that they're having problems?

"It could be that they just had an argument," says Wood. "What you're looking for is a pattern of behavior, and a shift from what's been normal for a long time."

A subtle behavior that could indicate betrayal is using objects, such as a handbag, drinking glass, silverware or even napkin (clutching a wine glass near their chest or putting their handbag on their lap), to set up physical boundaries between them. Boundary markers show that one person has broken a trust, so his or her partner feels the need to set up a guard for protection.