20 Things Grandparents Would Say if They Could

Imagine you had one day (maybe Grandparents Day) to say whatever you wanted to your grandkids' parents. It might sound something like this compilation of comments made by friends of mine and visitors to Grandparents.com. The really scary part is that many of these sentiments could have been expressed 50 — or possibly 500 — years ago. Barbara Graham is a Grandparents.com columnist.

Hello! Her (or his) parents aren’t the only grandparents in this family. I’d like to tell the father (or mother/stepmother/stepfather) of my grandkids to get a job. Yoo-hoo! I know you’re busy, but please keep me in the loop. Let me see the kids more often. No matter how great a parent you are, you can’t take the place of a grandparent. I love you — so let's not talk about politics or religion.

Be their parent, not just their friend. Do you really think she needs to play soccer, study violin, volunteer in a homeless shelter and enroll in a pre-pre-PSAT course before she starts kindergarten? News flash: You don’t have to buy every video game, electronic gizmo, and wildly expensive toy they ask for. (P.S. Books are a lot cheaper.) I agree that we don’t want to raise our daughters to be anorexic, but offering a chubby 10-year-old a third helping of pasta isn’t a good idea.

I respect your parenting style, but believe it or not I know a few things too — and they’re not all covered on the internet. Stop using the TV as a babysitter, get your nose out of your laptop and BlackBerry, and play with your child! Skype? Webcams? Videos? Can't I just see the kids in person once in a while? Please, never use the kids as weapons against the grandparents or each other. Just in case you’re wondering, discipline is not a dirty word. Why are you asking him? He can’t even talk yet!

Stop fighting in front of your kids. They’re starting to mimic your behavior. Children are not short adults. Be more patient. Explain, don’t scold. Stop making your children grow up before their time. They’ll have plenty of opportunity to dress like hookers later on.

Enjoy your kids while you can, because before you blink they’re grown up and gone. There is simply no substitute for a bond with a grandparent. As Margaret Mead wrote, "The closest friends I have made all through life have been people who grew up close to a loved and loving grandmother or grandfather."

If you had one day to say whatever was on your mind to your grandkids' parents, what would it be? Come and share in Barbara Graham's new group, Grandparents Unplugged.