What Moms REALLY Think of YOU!

My mother-in-law was very outspoken about the fact that she didn't like the name we gave our daughter, and in fact, called her by a different name for the first few months of her life, whenever I wasn't around. 

Regardless of whether you, as a grandparent, think it's a big enough issue or not, you won't gain any points by sneaking your grandchild soda or candy when you know they aren't allowed that at home. 

For our family, it's been extremely helpful when Lorelei's grandparents have stocked up on supplies like an extra set of clothing, sippy cups, kid-friendly food, diapers, a place to sleep, and even an extra car seat! Half of the visits we've made probably wouldn't have happened had they not had these things on hand. 

Realize that you're way more powerful than you may feel! Grandparents' opinions are taken very much to heart even if they're not heeded. Your child may be outwardly ignoring every piece of advice you give, but she'll be haunted by whatever you say.

Spend as much time with your grandkids as possible! I never knew my own grandparents when growing up, and really feel like I missed out on something special. 

Remember how your own kids didn't want your advice when they reached those teen years? There may come a day when your grandchildren don't feel comfortable talking to their own parents, but they'll come to you if you've stayed an active part of their lives. Your own kids will be thanking you for it later. 

The most effective thing my mother ever said to me was, "You know how much love you feel in your heart when you look at him? That's how much I love you." Grandparents need to remind their kids that they love them, and that they want them to succeed at being parents. 

When my son was born, my mom offered to stay with us and help for a couple weeks. After a week of cooking for her and entertaining her, and her not lifting a finger to help with laundry, dishes, changing diapers, caring for the baby, or anything else … she becomes one more person I have to take care of when my hands are already full. 

Think Grandma is going to be your on-call babysitter? Think again. Granny's got plans tonight. Young parents should probably have realistic expectations of their parents' involvement. 

Don't poo-poo your kid's parenting rules, especially when it comes to safety. While you likely did a fine job raising children without such modern gadgets as car seats, door gates, and electrical outlet covers, your kids are relying on solid modern data — and in some cases, laws — to make their safety decisions. And frankly, they're just trying to do what they think is right for your grandchildren. 

Share your opinion with your children about the way they handle situations or discipline when your grandchildren are not around. 

My father passed away just a couple of weeks ago. Whenever I talked to him about my children he never failed to tell me that I was doing a good job. And that meant something to me. Because, damn, if we don't work our tushees off trying to be good parents. 

My best advice to grandparents would be to never act like parental concerns are silly ... even if they're something you would not have worried about when you were parents. Humor us. It could mean the difference between your grandchild staying with you alone — or not. 

The grandparents want to send cash in an envelope for a 7-year-old's birthday. This is like a non-gift to a kid. Instead? Schedule an afternoon, just grandma and granddaughter. Go get a milk shake. Nothing else. Just time. 

My husband died when my children were very young; 7 and 9 years old. My mother-in-law's most serious breach of "mother-in-law etiquette" was when she sent them a Christmas card and included a note saying their father (yes, the dead one) would be very angry with their mom (me) for not bringing them to visit her. So, yes ... I have had issues with my mother-in-law butting in. 

Grandparents, be young again with your grandkids. Get on the floor and roll around with them, even if you need help getting back up. If you're in a wheelchair, take them for rides! You don't have to spend a lot of money to make memories. Play checkers. Bake cookies. Go fishing. Read stories. Dress up. Catch fireflies. Eat ice cream. Let your grandkids see the silliest parts of you. 

Don't be easily offended if you aren't called or visited as often as you'd like. 

All I really want from you is the opportunity to nap. Just come over, take control of your grandchildren and send me to my room. That's truly all I want from you. 

Don't tell me what to do. Bite your tongue. I won't listen and will end up resenting you. 

Support the way your kids are raising their offspring. Criticism and judgment will only bring resentment and anger on their part. You had your chance to raise kids the way you thought was best. Now it's their turn. 

I live in NYC with my husband and 2 sons (ages 2 and 5). The only (minor) annoyance is when my mother-in-law asks, "Where's the girl?" 

One thing that drives me crazy is that when my kids are around, my own mother barely pays any attention to me. 

Ultimately, I look to our children's grandparents for the ultimate "back-up!" We look to them to reinforce and substantiate our perspectives. Fine with me if they wish to illustrate from our childhood sins and successes — we've learned that's very effective! 

Ask First. No matter what it is, ask first. Want to buy a toy? Want to feed the baby? Want to visit once a week? ASK FIRST. I almost never have a problem with whatever the grandparents want to do, but I feel respected as The Mom when my parents and in-laws ask me first. 

Don't be embarrassed to be a grandparent. Cherish the title of Nana, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa, whatever title of love and respect that your grandchild wants to call you. 

In the chaos of raising children (and working, like many parents today do), unsolicited parenting advice can sound like an insult or criticism if it's not carefully and lovingly approached. 

Grandparents should be able to have fun with grandkids without all the same "rules" parents implement. Staying up late, eating ridiculous things all night, etc. ... are irrelevant — we let them spoil our kids rotten.