5 Times Grandparents Should Interfere

When it comes to the grandkids and discipline, when should you speak up and when should you shut up?

By Jennifer Kelly Geddes
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My daughter-in-law is a crybaby, manipulative in all of her actions and my son and she have 3 boys, ages 9, 6 and 1. The children are disrespectful, argumentative, holy terrors, backtalk their parents and us, the grandparents. They fight constantly, run through our house constantly - they cannot walk, they do not sit down at the table and eat. We spend all of our time cooking, cleaning and arguing with them just to keep them from hurting each other. My son and his wife, both sit by and to not say ONE word. They just let the kids tear your house apart, torment your animals, etc. I am a disciplinarian and cannot tolerate their behavior. My son has called me twice now and told me that I am mean, evil and that his wife cries all the way home (they live 4 hours away), every time they come see us. I am the bad guy in their eyes. The grandkids love me and tell me they don't want to leave when it is time to go. The 9 year old still wets the bed. They drag the one year old around by the scruff of the neck. They pull down their pants and urinate in public. We have set down clear rules for our home but they are clearly not going to make their children obey. We no longer go to restaurants because it is too embarrassing. They are Christians who don't believe in spanking and their mother is a kindergarten teacher. Neither one of them stick to what they say as far as time out. It is hard to watch, not enjoyable to be around and I would like to know if anyone else has grandkids that they love but cannot take part in discipline when the parents aren't doing their job? Should I just stay away so I don't have a broken heart every time we see each other? I feel sorry for the children because they have no boundaries.

sgreene on 2013-12-03 07:12:30

If my Grand-kids ever was to be disrespectable towards me, I would have nothing in life ever to do with them. I loved my Grand-parents even the Step ones when they was mean to me, I didn't know any better, but as I became older I realized that they didn't like me, because I was not their son's daughter, and they didn't like my Mom. So I stayed away from them, and never disrespect them.

JJSherman on 2013-11-28 15:06:30

My husbands Grandkids are awful, they say bad words, talk back at you and my grandkids are very well behaved. My husband thinks it's ok for the kids to act like that...He says they are just kids and I get very angry because they come to our home and destroy everything. They touch everything around, open closets get on the bed with shoes on and they jump on the sofas...My grandkids are very well mannered and I just don't understand why these kids are the way they are....I guess they have no discipline in their home their parents drink and smoke in front of them and they think it's ok. I have already spoke with my husband about their behavior and we always get into an argument. I don't want them in my home...what can I do? I know they don't get spanked and I think I want out of my marriage because these kids are driving me crazy.....All of the children family are weired....

Enchantee Silvas on 2013-11-23 20:40:32

I agree with this list - except for the "nutrition" item. I laughed to myself at the example "Nutrition." I think nutrition is a touchy and sensitive subject..and it's easy for a grandmother (me included!) or mother-in-law (me included!) to give advice and say, "oh - it's their health!!" But honestly, nutrition is not in the same category as "the big stuff" that you mentioned, or "safety" or "developmental delays" IMO. I think if anything, let the grandmother give the kids candy (if the parents allow) and leave the nutrition up to the parents and their pediatricians or whomever else they consult (not us, the grandmothers!). Luckily, both my DIL's are okay with nutrition for the kids, but I try not to look too closely. Was I any better? (now of course if the mom of your grandkids is giving their kids peanut butter and jelly 3 times a day, should you speak up? Hmmmmm.. Probably not!)... Just my 2 cents...lol.

muzik on 2013-09-24 10:10:10

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