Grandkids Say the Funniest Things

Recently, we asked you to share with us the funniest things your grandchildren have ever said. You flooded us with hundreds of hilarious jokes, gags, malapropisms, and shaggy-dog stories. Click through the following slides for our 23 outrageous favorites.

My 8-year-old granddaughter and I were having one of our art sessions. She needed a pair of scissors but the only ones around were a filigree-handled heirloom. I passed her the beautiful scissors and asked her to take good care of them because they meant a lot to me. "Are they old?" she asked. Excited that she seemed interested in their history, I explained that they belonged to my mother and my mother's mother. "Well, that explains it," she said. "Explains what?" I asked. "Why they don't work." – dearie

My husband and I were vacationing on St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands, with our son, daughter-in-law, and 3-year-old grandson. The roads on this tiny island are narrow and not always paved, and the ride can be quite bumpy. We were in the car, with our son driving, and he said, "There are actually only three roads on this whole island." Then our grandson piped up from the back seat: "And this isn't one of them!" – mcpenguin5 My 5-year-old granddaughter was riding with us to the airport and as she listened to the female voice from the GPS give us directions, she asked, "How does she know where we are going?" – LynnM

My 3-year-old granddaughter, Madelyn, was out for breakfast with us while our schnauzer, Whiskey, waited in the car. Madelyn is a very chatty little girl and talked with our server the entire time. When we finished our meal, the server asked her what we were going to do next, and Madelyn — standing up in the booth for all to hear, of course — said, "Well, we have Whiskey in the car..." – grmawhsky I took my 6-year-old grandson to his favorite steak restaurant. Being very grown up, he ordered everything for himself. When the waiter asked him how he wanted his steak, he replied with a puzzled look, "You know ... on a plate!" – ejboldt

"Hey Grandma, Why don't you and Grandpa have names like the rest of us?" – sgonzalesus Driving my 6-year-old grandson home, I spotted a lady crossing the street with her dog. "Matthew," I said, "Look at the cute little French poodle over there." "Gammy, how do you know he's French?" – gammynancy

My 5-year-old grandson didn't love his mother's newly-bleached hair, which had gone from dark brown to almost white. "Gomma," he said, "I liked my Mom's hair better when it matched her eyebrows." – Gomma I'm gray now, but I used to dye my hair and sometimes it would come out a bright red-orange. When I was out with my 4-year-old grandson one day, a lady complimented him on his beautiful red hair. "It's orange," he said. "And sometimes my grandma's hair is orange, too." – dcliege

My 3-year-old granddaughter once asked me, "Grandma, how old are you?" "How old do you think I am?" I asked. "Ten. You are 10." "Nope," I said. "I'm soon going to be 60 years old." "Sixty?!" she replied. "I don't know THAT number!" – Feisty49 One day my son, his wife, and my 3-year-old grandson were eating out with us and a man they knew stopped by the table. My grandson said, "This is my grandma," and the man said I didn't look old enough to be a grandma. Then my grandson replied, "Oh, she's old enough!" – GrannyBert

One day I watched my two grandsons, ages 6 and 3, while my daughter had her hair done. When she arrived home the 6-year-old told her how beautiful she looked. Then he looked back at me and said, "And Gramma, you look almost beautiful." – Grammalovesherboys My 4-year-old grandson was looking at a photo album with his mom, when he saw a picture of her with a big tummy. He asked her why she was so big and she answered that he was in her tummy. He looked from the picture to her tummy several times, then said, "Mommy, did you swallow me?" – arcoma

When my granddaughter was 5, she and I drove to pick up a friend who was coming to her birthday party. My granddaughter went on and on about what her grandparents had already given her for her birthday, until her friend said, "You're spoiled!" My granddaughter replied, "Yes, my Grandma and Grandpa spoil me and I LIKE IT!" – MNgrandma When my granddaughter was 4, I told her she was growing up too fast and needed to slow down. "But it isn't my fault, Grammy," she replied. "It's my mom's fault. She keeps giving me all those birthday parties." – DianeDorothy

I once asked my granddaughter if she knew what her whole name was. Proudly she stated, "Fallyn Reese Lorimer Come Here." – gma2many My 3-year-old grandson and I were talking on the phone but I couldn't make out all that he was saying so I kept asking, "What?" until finally, exasperated, he said, "Grandma, you're not listening loud enough!" – GrandmaDretta While the kids were visiting one weekend, we all awoke before their grandpa and decided to make him some coffee. After he woke up and had a sip, he went on about how good it was. I told him that was because it was made with love, but our 3-year-old granddaughter exclaimed, "No, it wasn't! It was made with water!" – Michll200

All the grandkids were swimming and 7-year-old Madison asked if I was going to wear my swimsuit, too. I teasingly told her that I was going to put on my bikini. Her eyes sparkled and she said, "Cool! People your age will think you're hot!" – mparry1 My 3-year-old granddaughter, Eva, came into the kitchen and said, "Old lady, would you help me wipe my hands?" I was taken aback and my daughter asked her why she called me that. Eva answered, "Well, she calls me 'young lady.'" – pinkshoes

When my granddaughter was 2, I watched her almost every day. That meant that I needed to follow through on the potty training she was getting at home. One day while she was on the potty, I went in to check on her and said, "Don't forget to wipe!" She said, "Oh, I did that first!" – nannyjo My newly potty-trained granddaughter was in a public restroom when she heard the person next to her start to tinkle. She clapped her hands and shouted in encouragement, "Yeah, lady!" – LynnM

One day, I was playing with my 4-year-old grandson and his race-car set. Later on, he was doing something that wasn't allowed. After three warnings, I yelled at him to stop. He came over to me with a long face, head down and lower lip quivering, and climbed on my lap. He said, "I still like you, Nana, but if you talk to me like that again, you may not be able to play with my race-car set anymore." – Eastsidegrandma