13 Truths Only Grandparents Know

We grandparents have seen a lot, and learned a lot. So we're ready to share some eternal truths about kids and parenting. Read on to find out what we know for sure.

I can't remember when I regretted spending time with a child, even when I had a lot else to do.

The first ten years are the time. Watching them read through aloud without stumbling when last week they couldn't read the; being reminded that nobody in the world finds things funnier than a 3-year-old; and watching them talk to each other.

As my father said, we were all ordinary people before we became parents. We do our best, and our best is rarely enough. I used to think that all kids need is to know they are loved. I regret that. They also need to know how not to interrupt, and they need to be taught to accept losses without being able to talk their way out of them. If I could go back, I would be stricter. I would not follow my instincts — my instincts have no follow-through, because I can't stay mad long enough to make a rule stick. I would make a rule stick even when neither of us liked it much.

A kid doesn't start misbehaving for no reason. Find out what's wrong.

Anybody can feel good about being great with little kids. When you're great with a snarling, ungrateful 14-year-old who's off to an all-night party wearing questionably appropriate clothing, then you're great.

Kids may not remember what you did or what you said. But they will remember how you made them feel.

When you think you are really screwing up with them, you are doing things right. They're watching. They see you trying.

Sometimes they will remember what you said. My son Patrick recounts the time that I told him that stealing pennies out of my jar made him a thief.

You can almost always undercut tension with a joke. If a kid is sulking in his room, toss a teddy bear in with a note on it. Move things around. Wear each other's clothes. My husband and I like to pretend to be Maggie and Ryan (my granddaughters), while the kids pretend to be us. It's very funny — and sometimes a point gets made: "Pepe, I have to have the green spoon. It's mine. I love, love, love the green spoon...."

Encourage their relationships with other grownups. They need to hear other points of view, and so do you. Show respect and affection for everybody they love, even the ex-husband.

Having trouble connecting with a kid? Find something you can do together. Pick out a kitten, paint a mural, plant tomatoes. Write angry editorials.

So much gets said in the car, both of you facing forward, nobody going anywhere, no phones ringing. Sometimes I think that everything of importance that I learned about my kids I learned in the car. This is true of little kids, big kids, grown kids.

Have special times with each of them, alone. Never again will this be the best thing they can imagine — just getting to be with you, with nobody else there. If you can find a photo booth to take funny pictures of you, so much the better.