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Articles by Susan Stiffelman
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November 14, 2008
Family Reunion: Delightful or Disaster?
Our adult kids are not close to one another, but one of our dreams is to take them and our grandkids on a trip together. Can you suggest some ways to bring this up that might entice them to put their differences aside and have a family reunion?
Many grandparents dream of having their children and grandchildren in one place at one time, yet struggle with how to navigate the emotional minefields of hurts, grudges, and ... read more
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November 06, 2008
Do You Need to Tighten Up or Lighten Up?
If you've been too tough (or too easy) on your grandchildren, resolve to change your approach this season.
When Darren and Ella returned home after a night out, they found Darren’s mother, Nana Louise, sitting on the couch reading a magazine while the kids ran wild around the ... read more
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October 31, 2008
Grandpa: Jealous of Grandma's Time?
My husband is feeling left out because I spend so much time with our new grandbaby. Honestly, I am thoroughly drawn to my grandchild and I can't be in two places at once. Help!
Congratulations on the new addition. What a wonderful adventure is in store for you and your husband.
It's commendable that you're aware of your husband's feelings ... read more
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October 30, 2008
Am I Annoying My Kids?
When you've been told, nicely or otherwise, to back off
My daughter just told me that at holiday gatherings I'm in her face too much and it annoys her. I had no idea I was getting all up in her business. I thought I was just being ... read more
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October 23, 2008
Grandma Misses Her Grandson
After a long separation, should she send a gift?
I am a grandmother of a boy, 4 1/2 years old. His parents won't let me see him, which is a long story. I haven't seen him in almost two years. He doesn't even know m ... read more
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October 10, 2008
Should I Tutor My Grandchild?
I am a retired math teacher and I occasionally tutor my nine-year old grandson in the subject. But my daughter tells me that my approach is old-fashioned, and that I confuse my grandson by teaching him my way. Do you think I should stop helping him?
Absolutely not! I would urge you to continue to share your passion for math with your grandson. What a wonderful gift it is to him to have a grandparent who is an expert in th ... read more
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September 04, 2008
Reconciling With Your Grandchild's Parents
When parents and their grown children become estranged, grandparents and grandchildren are torn apart. How can you make things right?
Maybe an innocent but misunderstood remark to a son or daughter-in-law triggered a spiral of anger. Maybe the fallout from a bitter divorce left a grandparent on the outside l ... read more
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August 08, 2008
Should I Tell My Grandkids About My Illness?
My sons both feel I shouldn't scare my grandkids (ages 8, 9, and 11) but I am afraid that if something happens to me, it would have been better if I had prepared them.
This is a delicate and important question, and I admire you for so lovingly thinking of your family. It would be wise to tell your grandchildren that you are dealing with a se ... read more
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August 01, 2008
Grandma Barred From Visiting Newborn in Hospital
This set of parents is keeping Grandma and Grandpa away from the nursery. Is that fair?
When my son's daughter was born, our extended family took turns at the hospital with my daughter-in-law and the baby. We would all fill that room, and then their home, with su ... read more
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July 25, 2008
The Uninvolved and Detached Son-in-Law
My son-in-law doesn't seem to be actively involved in his children's lives. This really bothers me. What can I do or say to help the situation?
There is little you can do to change anyone other than yourself. Your son-in-law is a product of his childhood, temperament, beliefs, and life experience. Your idea that he sh ... read more
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June 27, 2008
My Granddaughter Has No Manners
My 11-year-old granddaughter does not have good manners. When I introduce her to my friends, she doesnt know how to shake their hands and say hello. What should I do?
If I had a choice between my son attending a prestigious university or having good manners, I'd pick the good manners — that’s how much I believe they matter. I&rs ... read more
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June 13, 2008
Is Attention Deficit Disorder an Excuse to Misbehave?
My daughter and her husband say that both their sons have Attention Deficit Disorder. Isnt that just a fad?
They let their kids get away with just about anything, and blame it on ADD. Their kids don’t eat right, and they stay up late. I think the parents need to do more to get ... read more
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May 30, 2008
How Do I Connect With My Estranged Granddaughter?
After a long-lost connection, one granddaughter attempts to reach out. Tread lightly, Grandpa.
Four years ago, my son passed away. We hadn’t spoken for years even before his untimely death and the only contact I had with his daughter, now 18 years old, was through ... read more
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April 25, 2008
Not Enough Face Time
My 14-year-old granddaughter used to love to come over and spend the weekend with my wife and me, but these days she's always with her friends. I think our son should encourage her to stay close to us, but he lets his daughter call the shots.
It can be a bit painful to discover that our grandchildren prefer their friends’ company to ours, especially if we’ve had a close relationship with them in the pas ... read more
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March 28, 2008
Naming the Grandchild: Who Gets Rights?
I would like my grandchild to be named after my husband, who passed away last year. How do I broach this with my son and his wife?
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, and am touched by your desire to perpetuate his legacy through your grandchild. This is a beautiful tradition, and o ... read more
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Susan Stiffelman is a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). She has become a source of advice and support for parents and grandparents through her private practice, public presentations, and website. You can find more articles at Susanstiffelman.com.
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