The grandparent, the brother, the aunt, or the perfect stranger ... at one time or another, everyone has witnessed the phenomenon that is a misbehaving child. Screaming at the mall, refusing to share toys, or pouting at the dinner table, are all cringe-worthy outbursts. But parents and grandparents can easily help childen to sidestep these behaviors by encouraging the little ones to practice proper etiquette from an early age.
"Nothing makes a grandparent happier than when their grandchild is well behaved," says New York City-based etiquette expert Lyudmila Bloch of Etiquette Outreach. "This is a reflection on them." Bloch notes that in her experience, grandparents have been the first ones to notice that their grandchildren's behavior indicates a lack of manners. And they will, or should, give the children the gift of etiquette lessons. Many times, grandchildren learn the subtleties of proper behavior through the way in which family elders conduct themselves on a day-to-day basis. Introducing and maintaining manners in grandchildren's lives is an opportunity to show them the importance of structure and the meaning of certain family traditions.
Although it can take time for your grandchildren to learn to enjoy a meal at a fine restaurant, Bloch advises grandparents to do prep work beforehand. Bringing some distractions — such as Mad Libs or a puzzle book — will refocus the children, should they
| “Etiquette is not just about a fork and knife, it’s about kindness and consideration to everyone around us.” |
get antsy (avoid establishments with long waiting times). “You need to raise the awareness level and understand that [children] have a short attention span at this point,” says Bloch. But by engaging your grandchildren’s interests, they'll be more receptive to learning about their surroundings and will begin to notice and understand acceptable ways of behaving in that environment.
Although at times it may not seem like it, grandchildren are looking for cues on how to act in certain situations. Sharing stories and advice on etiquette not only solidifies a grandparent's role in the family as a sage advice-giver, it helps to leave an important legacy. "If you teach etiquette to your grandchildren in meaningful, incremental steps, the experience will always be remembered by them as a positive one," says Bloch. On the contrary, if the rules are simply dictated, but never explained, grandchildren won’t associate etiquette with any specific memories or experience. If they feel no real connection to these rules, they're less likely to apply them. "It's a balancing act that grandparents have to play with their grandchildren, but it can be made fun by rewarding good behavior," she says. This positive reinforcement will also encourage repeated proper etiquette in the future.
As the rules of etiquette begin to take root in grandchildren's behavior, the family will reap the benefits. And just when is the right age to begin teaching grandchildren the dos and don'ts of conduct in polite company? Bloch's youngest pupil is only two years old, but at any age gratitude can be taught and should be reinforced on a daily basis. She explains, "Children really understand the concept of making someone feel good." Once the little ones grasp the idea of how to treat their parents and siblings and how to behave in public settings, relationships with them begin to mature and develop exponentially." Etiquette is not just about a fork and knife, it’s about kindness and consideration to everyone around us," says Bloch.
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