Not a Phone Person

My 11-year-old grandson doesn't call me. His mother says he's not a phone person. That just doesn't feel right to me. Don't I, as his grandma, deserve more respect? 

Ah, the challenges of grandparenting from a distance.

Once upon a time, grandchildren lived in the same hut as their grandparents, or at least in the hut next door, and staying in touch was a nonevent. Humans are wired to live in tribes, with instincts to stay connected. Many of the problems we face in contemporary society arise from the fact that we’re separated from each other.

So I want to acknowledge your frustration with staying connected to your grandson. Since most grandchildren don’t grow up next door to Grandma or Grandpa, grandparents have come to rely on telephone conversations as their lifeline for staying involved in their grandkids’ lives.

Trouble is, while I know a number of toddlers who monopolize the phone whenever it rings, I know very few 11-year-old boys who do much more than grunt a pleasantry or two when they’re forced to talk on the telephone.

The absence of your grandson’s phone calls to you has nothing to do with respect and everything to do with the likelihood that, as his mother suggests, he isn’t a phone person. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue your efforts to stay in touch with him. It just means we need to look for other options to help you accomplish it.

There are certain blessings in the vast array of technological methods for staying connected. So, Grandma, how about exploring some of the ways you can stay in touch with your grandson that might motivate him to be more responsive?

• Text message. Most cell phones let you type a message to another person’s cell phone where he will be alerted when he has a message. Kids love this. Most phones have shortcuts to move the typing along by guessing what word you’re spelling. And if you don’t want to text from your cell phone, you can go to his cell company’s website and type him a message from your computer. By using a medium that’s “cool,” there’s a chance he’ll be more communicative. Better yet, let him teach you how to pick up the text messages he sends to you.

• iChat. Sign up for a free iChat account and tell your grandson you want to be on his Buddy List. The two of you can “talk” via the computer, and slip into an audio or even video chat, if your computers both have cameras. If you are new to this, ask your grandson to teach you. Kids who can barely deliver three syllables in person become quite chatty when they’re conversing via the computer.

• E-mail. I assume you know about this given the question came via that route. Again, many kids prefer their conversations in writing. Go figure.

• Mail. Yes, those small sticky squares with perforated edges (a.k.a. stamps) still have a place in this world. Try writing your grandson a letter. Enclose photos, newspaper clippings, or whatever else comes to mind. Send him a package of stamped envelopes addressed to you and see what happens.

Finally, remember: Kids just want to have fun. While it might seem more respectful if your grandson would call you regularly, in the end what you really want is to keep the connection strong. Do your part to make communicating with you enjoyable. Share jokes, interesting trivia, or weird snippets of news and your grandson will naturally want to stay more in touch with you.