Not Enough Face Time - Grandparents.com

My 14-year-old granddaughter used to love to come over and spend the weekend with my wife and me, but these days she's always with her friends. I think our son should encourage her to stay close to us, but he lets his daughter call the shots.

It can be a bit painful to discover that our grandchildren prefer their friends’ company to ours, especially if we’ve had a close relationship with them in the past. But I discourage you from taking it personally. It’s natural and normal for your granddaughter to want to spend free time with her friends.

While it may mean that she sees you less frequently, it’s important that your granddaughter continue to spend time regularly with you and your wife for many reasons. Frankly, I would disagree with your son’s decision to let his daughter call the shots here. Assuming their grandparents are healthy, sane, and loving, kids need to be connected to them.

Grandchildren receive a special love from their grandparents. The elders of the family celebrate their grandchildren’s talents and passions in a way that feeds their spirit and nourishes their soul. They expose their grandkids to experiences and stories that provide lifelong memories. If a child is lucky enough to have a close, loving relationship with a grandmother or grandfather, that child has been given a precious gift.

But despite all these advantages, it’s no good forcing your granddaughter to spend time with you. What we need to do is explore some ways you might adjust her visit so she has a natural desire to be with you and your wife.

What are some of the things you typically do with your granddaughter when she visits? Take an honest look at whether she’s outgrown some of your usual activities. While I’m not an advocate of packing the weekend with shopping sprees at the mall to entice her to visit, if she has a good time with you and your wife it will lessen the impact of missing out on her time with her friends.

When your granddaughter comes to visit, show a genuine interest in discovering her emerging interests. Ask her what kind of music she likes, and let her play some of it for you. Ask her what magazines or books she’s into, and share them with her. Be open-minded, and demonstrate your willingness to see her as she is today, rather than treating her as the little girl she once was.

Create new interests that you can share. Take your granddaughter to a crafts store and pick out a project to do together. Compose a piece of music on Garage Band. Take cooking classes, or archery lessons. Sign up for Italian lessons. Wash dogs at your local humane society. Take up soap carving, or volunteer together at a soup kitchen. The very website you’re on — Grandparents.com — has all kinds of great ideas under the Activities section for things you and your granddaughter can do together!

Show your granddaughter that you’re interested in getting to know who she is, and who she’s becoming, and choose ways to be together that reflect your desire to nurture her unique gifts and interests. Focus on the quality of your visits together rather than the quantity of time she’s with you. By continuing to be a loving, caring presence in your granddaughter’s life in a way that shows her you’re able to see her as a young woman rather than a little girl, she’ll see coming to Grandma and Grandpa’s house in a very different light.