Should I Tutor My Grandchild?
I am a retired math teacher and I occasionally tutor my nine-year old grandson in the subject. But my daughter tells me that my approach is old-fashioned, and that I confuse my grandson by teaching him my way. Do you think I should stop helping him?
by Susan Stiffelman
Absolutely not! I would urge you to continue to share your passion for math with your grandson. What a wonderful gift it is to him to have a grandparent who is an expert in the subject.
But (did you see that big but coming?), you are going to have to make sure that your help isn't doing more harm than good. The approach to teaching math has changed many times in the past few decades. Where the emphasis used to be on arithmetic and working out problems, it is now more inclusive of teaching concepts and ideas. More important, traditional ways of solving problems have given way to a variety of approaches, some of which may be different from the way you were taught — and the way you were taught to teach it.
It can be confusing to a youngster if his teacher explains things one way, and his grandparent explains it another. Many children get anxious when the help they receive outside school doesn't match the way it's shown in the classroom.
"That's not how the teacher does it!" is a comment you'll hear as these kids struggle to embrace a new — even simpler or better — approach to solving a problem if it contradicts the way he's taught at school. In this realm, children can be inflexible, fearful that there is only one right way to do math — and the teacher knows what that is.
I'm also concerned that your grandson seems to be telling his mom that he's confused after you tutor him, but he isn't telling you this directly. Make sure your grandson feels comfortable enough to tell you if he's mixed up when you're tutoring him. Give him the freedom to ask you to slow down, or perhaps to inject some of the terminology he's more familiar with into your explanations.
Let me also suggest a conference with the teacher to clarify whether he's doing fine in math or showing evidence that your help is confusing him and bringing his scores down. Of course, only take part in or suggest such a conference with the blessing of your grandson's parents.
There are many good websites and books that will help you feel more at ease with some of the changes reflecting the contemporary approach; a mathematician like you probably won't find the new math intimidating. As an added benefit, the new learning will be a chance for you to keep your brain cells active — something we all need!
If you discover that there's too much difference between math as you understand it, and math the way your grandson is learning it, there are still many things you can do to help him become more proficient in the subject. There are wonderful hands-on math games and puzzles that will help him solidify his math skills yet don't depend on new math concepts. I urge you to explore options in the education section of your local bookstore, or visit an educational-supply store for teachers where they sell logic puzzles, board games, and manipulatives that enhance a child's math abilities. And don't forget, there are many simple math-related activities that you can do at home; what better way to learn fractions than to bake cookies.
When you take it one step at a time, the bonding and educational moments will certainly add up!
For our complete guide to what your grandchildren are learning in school, click here.
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