One of the perks of being a grandparent is that you don’t always have to play by parents' rules. We recently asked Grandparents.com members to share the rules they most often break when they're with their grandchildren, and it's clear that when it comes to child care, a lot of you do it your way. No one wants to let safety standards slip, or risk being banned from future babysitting because they've let a 9-year-old drive their car to an R-rated movie, but there are plenty of other rules that just cry out to be broken:
1. Lights Out at 8 pm
Tammy Hartley of Tampa enforces no set bedtime when her granddaughter, Destiny, comes to visit. "She can take forever in the tub, then pick out a pair of my pajamas to wear," says Hartley, 47. "We always read a story, snuggle down, and talk until we fall asleep." That special time together, Hartley says, has brought her and her granddaughter closer. "I have found out more about my angel during those late night talks than any other time," she says. "It's our time to share our 'insides' — our deepest emotions, thoughts, and fears."
Hartley is a serial rule-breaker: She also admits that she let her granddaughter, now 12, drink from a sippy cup made for a toddler. "My daughter and son-in-law said it was ridiculous to let a 10-year-old act like a baby," Hartley says. But she makes no apologies. "It brought her comfort and I think it reminded her of when she was a little girl — kind of like a security blanket."
3. No TV at Dinnertime
Many parents provide grandparents a list of rules regarding television time. They're often ignored. "We have cable and DirecTV, which my three granddaughters don’t have at home," says Rachelle Mellor, 55, of Grandview, Mo. "So of course they love coming to our house! They get to watch Dora and other cartoons on the big TV." What's more, Mellor even lets the girls eat in front of the tube: "We set up little TV trays in the front room, and usually eat there instead of at the table."
4. Clean Up After Yourself
Mellor could not care less whether her granddaughters pick up their clothes and toys when they stay at her place. "They keep their room at my house a total disaster area," she admits, but "it's their room, and they know where their things are."
For Barbara Jones of Bolingbrook, Ill., the mess gets made in the kitchen, where she loves to bake with her eight grandchildren. "I let them break eggs and get goo all over the place; I don’t worry about cake batter everywhere," says Jones, 64. "I always try to make it special for them, but I think they make it special for me!"
5. Feed the Baby Strictly as Ordered
Marlene Parlak of Austin, Texas, has only been a grandmother a short time, but that's been enough time to break a few rules. For example, on her watch, she recently upped the amount of milk her granddaughter was drinking per feeding. "My daughter is following some website to a T," says Parlak, 50. "I pay more attention to the baby's actions and reactions. I had my girl eating 5 ounces," she says, "for a full two weeks" before her mom and dad realized it was time.
Which rule do you break?
No TV
2.3%
No mess
1.8%
No sweets
7.5%
No silliness
3.7%
No staying up late
8.4%
All of them!
76.4%
6. Healthy Snacks Only
For Debra Sluis, 56, of Milac, Minn., rebellion takes the shape of a hearty dose of sugar. "I was very strict and health-conscious with my kids — and my daughters are with their kids," she says, but "when they come to my house, we indulge in special, forbidden treats like chocolate milk and cookies."
7. No Means No
Grandmothers don't go completely without rules when they watch their grandchildren. Hartley, for example, says she follows one critical rule when her granddaughter is over: "The word NO is not allowed!" She explains, "We may not do exactly what she wants at that time, but we figure out how to do something very close." The result? "She knows Grammy’s is the best, coolest place to be!" And that’s worth a few broken rules.
Get more insight about parent-grandparent disputes on Grandparents.com:
Charlotte Latvala
is a Pennsylvania-based freelancer who writes for Redbook, Parenting, American Baby, and other national magazines. She also writes an award-winning humor column on family life for the Beaver County Times newspaper.
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