How Family Traditions Make Memories That Last

Larraine Segil is a grandmother and a veteran CEO who has led health care, financial services, and aerospace companies. She's also a regular commentator for CNN and CNBC; the author of numerous books, including several business guides and a novel, Belonging (2000); and a composer and lyricist whose first albums for children were released in 2011, including Rockin' Grandma. This is her first column in her newest role, as a regular contributor to Grandparents.com.

 

Our four-year-old grandson, Jack, is a family guy. He loves when each member of his family is around him – and asks for those who aren't there. I am pretty sure that as he grows into manhood, he will gather his family close, and be aware of the importance of "togetherness" moments. Our second grandson, Jonah, who is two, has just realized that he has two grandmas and two grandpas, and when we are all together, he looks at us in wonder! Last week was particularly poignant. It reminded our family of the importance of traditions.

The Annual Family Week

Every year for the past few years, our family has gathered in Southern California for our annual holiday week. There are three generations present – there would be four, but they have all passed, except for a great grandmother who has dementia.

We rent side-by-side, ground-level condominiums so that the children can safely visit each of us without supervision. Early mornings are filled with the pitter patter of small pajama-clad feet running from apartment to apartment with squeals of delight. For meals, we push all the outdoor furniture together into a long table for 35. (The numbers are only increasing – a new set of identical twins is due in November!)

Everyone takes turns making their signature dishes: There is the grandmas' cupcake-making afternoon when all the children participatie by stirring, filling cupcake holders, and decorating with sprinkles. I make cheese from our own goats' milk (Camembert, ricotta, four different kinds of chevre, and Havarti – more on our urban farm in future columns).The men do the grilling one night. And we buy pizza, or Chinese or Mexican or takeout other nights, with lots of leftovers for lunches. One evening is for the adult children who, together, bond with each other during a "date nght" at a fancy local restaurant, while the grandparents babysit – and talk about them. Another evening is for the grandparents to go to a movie and dinner. We treasure this time together. Almost every hour someone will murmur, "aren't we fortunate" or "how blessed we are."

Driving home with my daughter-in-law on Sunday, she said wistfully, "I wish we could do this twice a year; it is so relaxing and so much fun." I agree. There is nothing more important than this.

Meals and Music

Committing the time for this tradition is challenging for each of us. Almost every couple in the family has two careers, including the grandparents, although some us are are moving toward retirement. Most of us come for the full seven days. Some come for half the week. But everyone is there for some of it.

Like other families, many of our traditions center on food. Food carries our heritage – which, in our case, comes from South Africa, Lithuania, Russia, Mexico, the United States, Canada, and Israel. It teaches the children what their grandparents knew and enjoyed during their own childhoods. We say grace over meals, and bless the bread and wine on the Sabbath, as we sing together under the first evening star before eating with gusto.

A favorite tradition is watching the littlest ones put on a show, which means a line of two-tofour-year-olds standing behind the drapes and announcing, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our sing-along show!" No matter how corny it is, we love it all, and the children are in heaven.

Music is a big part of our lives – and the CD player is going all day long. Our four-year-olds love Ray Charles and Frank Sinatra, and fortunately they love my own Rockin' Grandma CDs, too. That makes me happy because I wrote the songs for them! Dancing and singing is a big part of what we do together, but watching television isn't – there's just too much else to do.

The lazy days slide by with stories, laughter, talk of new babies, the family photo, and always at least one child's birthday party with a piñata full of candy – a Mexican tradition we have adopted for every youngster's birthday.

Getting Along Is a Choice

We get along with each other most of the time. If there's a conflict, we believe in catching it fast and fixing it immediately. That works — most of the time. But like other families, and maybe yours, it has not always been this way. Two members of my generation in the family, by their choice, are no longer involved with us, and a few years ago, moved out of the country. The conflict that racked our family for a generation disappeared with them. So we know what it is to be dysfunctional and unhappy, and after those who contributed to the stress left the family circle, by death or by choice, we gathered as a group and decided: No more anger, grudges, jealousies, or resentments. And so far, that is the way it has been. What was the best thing that came out of those sad, lonely, and difficult years? We created a group of friends who became part of our "family" – and to whom we stay close today. So we are doubly blessed indeed.

Traditions are the way to bind the generations, and to teach children to respect differences in background, age, and culture. Whether it's food, songs, jokes, or games, they love the repetition of the familiar, year after year. As I reflect on my blessings, I realize there are four categories of traditions that our family week embodies:

• Sharing and togetherness
• Foods and family history
• Religious observance
• Tolerance and unconditional love

Not a bad recipe for life!

What's Your Family Tradition?

I would love to feature your family traditions in a future column. Share your ideas in the Comments area below, or mail them to me:  grandma@rockingrandmamusic.com.

Read more about how grandparents can bring families together:

• Why you should bring back the family dinner tradition
  
• Do you take your grandchildren to church?
  
• How a grandfather and grandson became friends for life