Meet Your Grandchildren's Imaginary Friends

Your grandchild's companions deserve your respect, whether or not they actually exist.

“Be careful, Grandma! Don’t sit on Sammy Whammy!" "Elfie Welfie doesn't want to go home yet!" "Oh no, we left Cyclops in the shopping cart!”

Imaginary friends are a happy, if mysterious, part of childhood. You may have trouble remembering the names of your grandchildren's imaginary pals, or exactly what species they are, but you needn't worry that their existence is a sign of a problem. Despite what you may have heard, imaginary friends are a normal, even positive part of growing up.

Myth # 1: Children with imaginary friends have no real friends

I called my own imaginary friend Diddeloy. She arrived when I was about three and hung around for several years. Every so often I bring her back to tease my family and excuse my behavior when I’ve done something especially silly. I’d always assumed that I must have created Diddeloy because I was an only child and perhaps a little lonely. Or maybe I didn’t have a lot of real friends at that age.

Mine is a common assumption, and it's wrong. Although only children may be more likely to have imaginary friends, they are also "more outgoing and less shy than other children, and they certainly have real friends," says Marjorie Taylor, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Oregon and the author of Imaginary Companions and the Children who Create Them (Oxford University Press, 2001).

Taylor regularly interacts with children who have imaginary friends in her "imagination laboratory," and she says, "Although they tend to have an active imagination and their language skills sometimes are a little better, they’re not much different from kids who don’t have imaginary friends."

Myth # 2: Only Girls Have Imaginary Friends

Boys are as likely as girls to have imaginary friends, although they usually create them later. “Among very young children, girls have more imaginary friends. But by ages 7 or 8, the numbers are about the same,” Taylor says. “Boys like to act out. When they’re very young, they pretend to be superheroes while girls might have a superhero friend.”

Myth #3: Children truly believe their imaginary friends are real

On an Internet forum for young parents, one mother shared that her 3 1/2-year-old son’s imaginary friend was an orange dragon with green teeth. When the mother asked if he could ride the dragon, her son told her, “No, he’s a ghost. But if he was real, I could.” This little boy's understanding is the norm, not the exception. “Most children know full well that imaginary companions are pretend," Taylor explains. "Often they’re invisible or ghosts and the children will tell you that."

Myth # 4: Only young children have imaginary friends

“Imaginary companions are quite common among children in elementary schools,” Taylor says. “Older children and adults have parallels as well. Teenagers write in diaries to an imaginary friend. Novelists create imaginary characters all the time." And many adults create and interact with imaginary friends (and adversaries), as part of online role-playing games or in virtual communities like Second Life.

Myth # 5: Imaginary friends are just for fun

“Imaginary friends bolster confidence," Taylor points out. "If you have an imaginary tiger by your side, you don’t have to be afraid to walk down the street or get up alone in the dark." These friends also allow children to explore misbehavior and its consequences. “About one-third of all imaginary companions do not behave well,” Taylor says. In addition, children tell imaginary friends things they might not be able to tell anyone else. In fact, she adds, “we’ve found that children who’ve been hurt or abused will tell the story to an imaginary friend."

So when your grandchild brings an invisible lion over for a visit, set a place for it at your table, listen to what it has to say, and whatever you do, don't sit on it!