Columnist Adair Lara is the author of The Granny Diaries (Chronicle Books, 2007), a satiric guide to grandparenting. She is a former San Francisco Chronicle columnist, and lives in San Francisco with her husband, three blocks from the grandchildren.
Like anyone else, a grandmother feels the urge to improve herself when the green shoots of a new year appear. And in what area are we most anxious to be all we can be? In our relationships with the people – a daughter, say – who open the door between our grandchildren and us.
Following are some exercises that, when done on a regular basis, are guaranteed to strengthen the parent-grandparent relationship.
1. Sitting on your hands
This can be performed any time you have the urge to call or e-mail your daughter to, say, remind her that the window in her kids' bedroom is still stuck shut (What if there's a fire? Is the five-year-old expected to locate a crowbar?). Remember, if you wouldn't say it to a close female friend (Monique, don't you think your girls would look better with their hair shorter?), don't say it to your daughter. (Actually, if you would say it to a close female friend, you probably don't have one.)
2. Resistance training, part 1: Not scooping up a crying child
The aerobic benefits of a sprint from guest room to cribside to scoop up a crying baby in the night are undeniable, but will be offset by the look the mother gives you when she rushes in a second later to find you planted in the armchair with her baby. Let her soothe the child, first, always.
3. Walking briskly past toy stores
Oh, that darling handcrafted pirate ship in the window. Let the kids discover one of the pleasures you had as a child, that of valuing presents all the more for their being rare.
4. Resistance training, part 2: Not doing her laundry
There are those velvet dresses you bought months ago, getting too small for the girls at the bottom of a the laundry basket. Surely this counts as your business?
Picture thought bubbles above your head and hers:
You (while underhanding leggings, tops, socks, dresses, and oops, your son-in-law's boxers, into the machine): I am so great to be doing this. She will be pleased not to have to frantically search for a pair of matching socks before school tomorrow morning.
Her: Grrr. Mom thinks I can't take care of my children.
5. Chewing your lips
This isometric exercise can be performed anytime you, the parent, and the grandkids are together and a helpful remark springs to your lips. (When, say, both little girls look as if their hair was styled by riding an hour in a speeding sports car and it appears they are going to go to school looking like that.) The chewing of the lips, done vigorously, prevents the words "I always found time to brush your hair" from leaving your mouth.
6. Resistance training, part 3: Not buying furniture for her house
Not doing things that you really really want to do, you generous soul, builds you up.
You've just realized you have a whole gallon of Bone White paint that would handily cover up the peppermint pink color the young couple used on their new kitchen. Lift the paint can (bend your knees first) and return it to the shelf.
I wish I had known about this exercise before I bought the matching coral loveseats at an estate sale (In perfect shape! Such a bargain!) that were perfect for – well, somewhere in her house, if only she had thought to have a coral color scheme.
7. Raising your hand to volunteer to help with the tough stuff instead of hogging the fun stuff
Your purse contains Disneyland tickets, wilting presents of flowers, tiny Legos: Mom's contains notes from teachers, preschool bills, dental reminders. Find ways to let her enjoy the kids while you do the grunt work. Raise your hand (repetition builds tone) again to work with the kid on the tedious but necessary eye exercises, the building-a-tiny -mission project (do not buy one of those what's-the-point, mission-building kits canny manufacturers now sell). Give her the money for back-to-school clothes – but let her take them shopping.
8. Resistance training, part 4: Not buying a vacation condo near their house
"Isn't this perfect, sweetie? Now we can fly from California to visit you as much as we like, and you won't have to worry about putting us up."
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