It's that time again. Even though we may have eaten and drunk ourselves silly, and shopped until our credit cards hit the stratosphere, now is the hour of reckoning. You know what I'm talking about, dear reader — that nagging, guilt-ridden, what-have-I-done, I-can't-believe-it's-that-time-again R-word:
Resolutions.
Yes, of course there are the diet, exercise, finance, and getting-more-sleep promises we make to ourselves. Those go without saying. But what about grandparenting? Personally, no matter how hard I try to live up to the lofty ideal set by Grandma Moses and perpetuated by Hallmark, I inevitably fall short of the mark. Seriously short.
So, based on my own shortcomings, here are five resolutions for grandparents this year:
1. Forgive thyself.
Okay, so sue me, I'm a grandparent. I see things that make me fret and, sometimes, shudder. I hear things that make me toss and turn at night the same way, I'm sure, my own parents did while I was raising my son. But let's face it — the grandparent brain is prone to analyzing and dissecting every move made by our offspring and their offspring. I'm certain that someday neuroscientists will map the grandparent brain and discover the exact region where this feverish activity takes place.
2. Disconnect your mind from your mouth.
This is key, especially if you hope to spend more time with your grandchildren. The grandparent brain may analyze and dissect until the cows come home — in the privacy of its own skull. However, should any unsolicited advice, opinions, or judgments escape your lips and fly into the ears of your adult children or their spouses, beware!
3. Curb your insecurity and competitive urges.
Just the other day, my son told me that I sounded like a 12-year-old — and he was right. The Other Grandmother was visiting for two weeks and I panicked that I would be forgotten. I didn't put it that way exactly, but he got the gist. Warning to self: Stop whining and acting like you're in junior high school. There's plenty of love to go around.
4. Don't overspend.
My husband is especially keen on this resolution. He's afraid that if I don't stifle my desire to present the little girls with every darling outfit, educational toy, and ridiculous, overpriced gizmo on the market, we'll end up in the poorhouse — or its modern-day equivalent. What's more, in my heart of hearts I know that, in addition to pleasing the children, the showering of gifts also has something to do with Keeping Up With The Other Grandmother, and those pesky feelings of insecurity and competition.
5. Stop worrying so much and feel the love.
This is a big one and it involves retraining that grandparent brain. For starters, I must remind myself that most children grow up just fine. My son is a wonderful human being and, mea culpa, his early years were anything but ideal. What's more, he and his wife are loving, attentive parents, and their daughters, by any objective standard, are thriving. Most important, my worrying has no benefits for anyone — least of all myself. So, to paraphrase a Welsh proverb, I resolve to bask in the perfect love of my granddaughters — and to stop following in the footsteps of Grandpa Simpson, who once proclaimed, "The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason — to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything…"
Get more perspective for the new year:
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