No matter how well a couple thinks they have prepared, a new baby turns their whole house upside-down, not just for a week, but for months. As the new arrival upends his or her parents’ routine, alert, considerate grandparents can assist in ways small and large to help everyone make it through that chaotic first year:
On the eighth day, bring more food
"I think one of the best gifts are meals during the second week you're home," says Sachia Logan of Independence, Mo. "Everyone is there the first week, but then they go back to work and you are there alone. Arrgh!"
When their grandson Grayson was born, Danny and Barbara Smith, each 65, of Hixson, Tenn., not only brought food, they shopped for groceries on their way to visit, and they continued to do it. "That way our kids didn't have to go shopping and had more time with Grayson and for themselves," Barbara says.
If cooking isn’t your strong point, you can arrange to have take-out food or prepared meals delivered to the new parents' home. Speaking of that home, new parents don’t have a lot of time to clean it. If you have the means, hiring someone to come in and clean on a regular basis over those first few months can really ease their workload.
Don’t forget: Big brother is watching
"Help with siblings and not just the new baby," Logan reminds grandparents. "Take the older children out to do something fun." Bigger kids may appreciate your taking them to places that parents wouldn't be able to go with a baby in tow, like the movies or a batting cage. Or you could take them to a crafts shop where they can make their own special gifts for the new baby. Logan suggests matching T-shirts that have pictures or hand prints of all the children.
When the Smiths' grandson was born, he already had two older half-sisters. The Smiths never forgot to include them when buying gifts for the baby, starting from day one, when they took baby-boy dolls to the hospital for each of them when their little brother was born.
If you build it …
Since the Smiths and their grandson don’t live close to one another, the couple set up a nursery for him in their home, including a crib, high chair, and basic supplies, like wipes, bottles, and baby soap. If you're able to convert a room or even a corner of a room in your home into a back-up nursery, you’ll let the parents know they always have a place to drop off the baby if they need to. When they don’t have to worry about hauling a portable crib or a suitcase full of supplies over, they’ll be all the more appreciative — and all the more willing to visit.
Let them out
Everyone has heard horror stories about first-time parents who wouldn’t leave their babies with anyone else, even for a single night, for a year or more. Don’t let that happen to your grandchild’s mom and dad. Volunteer to come over and babysit so the parents can have a date. If they’re reluctant to leave the baby alone, start by sitting for them while they’re actually home: You stay in the nursery with the baby, doing everything the child needs, while the parents enjoy a (hopefully) quiet, romantic dinner together, just seconds away from their newborn. If it goes smoothly, encourage them to try going out for dinner or to a movie while you mind things at home. If they decline, offer again a week later, and then the week after that. They'll thank you in the end.
Shop for the big-kid-to-be
When their grandson was born, the Smiths began assembling a library of books, CDs and DVDs, Barbara says, "not just for now but to entertain and educate him and his sisters in the future." Being a new parent, especially a first-time parent, requires living in the moment. It’s enough to do to bathe the baby, wash his or her onesies, and keep from running out of wipes. As a grandparent, you can help them see the light at the end of the infancy tunnel by laying in a supply of big-kid books, clothes, and toys ready for when the baby is.
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