What Makes a Good Wife Today?

I live in San Francisco, and my father, the movie director Garry Marshall, lives in Los Angeles. Recently he was in town on business and came over to my apartment for a cocktail. The conversation turned into a debate on what makes a good wife today:

LORI: So you sent me an article called "The Good Wife's Guide," reprinted from Housekeeping Monthly from 1955.

GARRY: Yes. I sent that to you. A father is allowed to send articles to his daughter from time to time.

LORI: You remember I'm divorced, right?

GARRY: Yes, but maybe you will marry again one day.

LORI: This article came from the Internet. Are you surfing the Web now?

GARRY: Not exactly. I was on Facebook for a little while but I couldn't keep up. Now
people e-mail me things and I have my assistant print them out or forward them to you.

Consider This Should parents put their marriage before their kids?

GARRY: That's the humor in it. But within the humor is also truth. For example, "Be happy to see him," and, "Don't greet him with complaints or problems." That makes sense. So many couples are bickering and don't even give each other the time of day when they get home. I liked that one.

LORI: You will be married to Mom 48 years this March. What is the key?

GARRY: She presses a darn good white shirt and packs a mean suitcase.

LORI: But shouldn't both men and women be able to do that for each other?

GARRY: Yes. I agree. But I admit I'm not very good with a hot iron. And the last time I packed a suitcase it was a duffle in the army.

LORI: So the article should be renamed "How to Be a Good Husband and a Good Wife," or "How to Be a Great Spouse"?

GARRY: Absolutely. My mother's generation of women, who this is article was written for, didn't traditionally have jobs. My mother did. So I got to see the future and the changing liberation of women in my own Bronx apartment. My mom worked as a tap-dancing teacher. I grew up in a house very much like today's homes, with two working, married, cranky people crunched for money and time.

LORI: How did your mother make it all work? How did she hold down a job, keep her husband happy, and raise her kids?

GARRY: She had no time to make homemade tomato sauce so she would open a bottle of ketchup, heat it over pasta, and say, "Here is spaghetti with Sauce." It was honestly delicious. My sisters and I couldn't eat it fast enough.

LORI: You don't find that combination on too many restaurant menus.

GARRY: No, but it's delicious, and your mother makes her own version for me now with a can of tomato soup over pasta. Yummy!

Is your daughter-in-law (or daughter) a "good wife"? She's terrific; I wouldn't change a thing 35.4% Her husband thinks so; that's all that matters 32.9% She tries, but she could use some tips from Housekeeping Monthly 0.0% Sadly, I don't think she'll ever be 16.5% Is your daughter-in-law (or daughter) a "good wife"? She's terrific; I wouldn't change a thing Her husband thinks so; that's all that matters She tries, but she could use some tips from Housekeeping Monthly Sadly, I don't think she'll ever be

LORI: What about this part of the article that says, "Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice." Are you kidding me?

GARRY: I love that! A woman can do that for a man and a man can do that for a woman. The power of a low, soothing and pleasant voice should not be overestimated. So many people operate from the tone and pitch of a drill sergeant. We all need to learn to speak to each other with more respect and kindness, married or not.

LORI: The article also mentions the ability to listen. Do you listen to Mom?

GARRY: I try. Except when the Lakers are playing on television and then I pretend to listen to her but I'm really waiting and hoping for them to score a basket.

LORI: I remember growing up, I was always trying to talk to you and you were looking over my shoulder at the Dodger baseball game on TV.

GARRY: Those Dodgers were a great team when you were growing up.

LORI: I think we could make a case for this article and say that both men and women today should master the things a 1950s housewife did, to make them both stronger partners for each other.

GARRY: Exactly. Now please go and make me dinner, because most men are hungry when they get home from work and they need a nice meal.

LORI: Most women are cranky and hungry when they get home from work, too. Let's order Chinese.

Get more laughs and insights from Garry & Lori Marshall:

• Parenting styles: Then and now
• Are your grandkids ready to stay home alone?
• Is cursing around the kids ever okay?