I adore my son and only child. We couldn’t be closer. I've never been one of those mothers who secretly wished she'd had a girl instead of a boy. (My relationship with my own mother cured me of that fantasy long before I was of childbearing age.) Still, since becoming a grandmother, I must admit that I've begun to suffer from daughter envy.
This is not because of anything my son does; it's because of what he doesn't do.
For example, not long ago, my daughter-in-law's mother happened to mention that she Skypes with her daughter and the baby nearly every day. Every day, I thought to myself! This baby is my granddaughter as much as hers — and she gets to see her every day! I'm lucky if I catch a glimpse of the kid on Skype once a month.
My son seems to be semi-allergic to Skype, a problem because, at least in our family, Skype operates along bloodlines. There seems to be an unspoken rule that says that my daughter-in-law's Skyping responsibilities are limited to her family, as my son's are to his. But because my daughter-in-law is so busy taking care of the two little kids — and checking in with her own mother — I wouldn't dream of asking her to add me to her roster.
Which pretty much leaves me staring at a blank computer screen.
I wait for the phone to ring, too. When I get really antsy and want to know the latest about my grandchildren, I call my daughter-in-law's mother. In addition to frequent sightings of the kids on Skype, my counterpart on the maternal side phones her daughter at least once a day — sometimes two or three times. She's up on all the news, from what happened on the way home from preschool to which girl's nose is running to who gained a pound. Thank goodness the other grandmother and I are friends.
| Do sons keep grandparents in the loop about grandkids as much as daughters do? |
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Yes, they're even better 5.7%
It's about the same 16.1%
No, sons never call 78.2%
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I wonder if there's an as-yet-unidentified code missing from the Y chromosome that has to do with communication. Although my son calls and e-mails me about other things, he’s not predisposed to feeding me details about the kids. I wouldn’t mind so much if he and his family lived around the corner — or even in my time zone. But they live across the Atlantic, so I can't just pop over any time to see what’s what for myself.
My friend Nancy’s son doesn’t keep her posted about his kids, either. "Forget Skype," she says. "I'd kill for the occasional phone call." Still, Nancy soon will be the grandparent most in the know. Her daughter is expecting a baby next spring, and Nancy fully expects to be kept in the loop. "At least I’ll know what’s going on with one of my grandchildren," she says, then promptly adds, "maybe even too much information."
Nancy has a point: Too much information has its down side. There are times when ignorance really is bliss — or, at least, the lesser of two evils. Last week I heard from my daughter-in-law's mother that the four-year-old was having meltdowns and both kids were having trouble sleeping while their father, my son, was traveling for work. "Just knowing this kept me awake at night," the other grandmother told me.
And after I heard the news I didn't sleep so well either.
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