My husband was forced into retirement 18 months ago, and he is struggling to find a job or a hobby to keep him occupied. Since I am still working, David has been a big help to me by doing all the grocery shopping, as well as other errands to make the household run smoothly.
David loves our three adult children and the six grandchildren we share in our blended family, but he has never been the touchy-feely kind of father or grandfather. He prefers to stand back and observe the kids, and that seems to work for everyone — except my oldest granddaughter, who ignores his reticence and gives him big hugs, even while he stands quite still. I think he likes it, but just won't admit it.
A few weeks ago, I asked David to help my daughter by picking up her children after school and shuttling them to their various sports. When he stopped by their house so the kids could change clothes, eight-year-old Jack tripped getting out of the car, skinned his knee on the pavement, and burst into tears when he saw the minor scrape begin to bleed. David called me to ask me what he should do. I gave him the usual mom advice: Wash it off with soap and water, apply Neosporin liberally, and cover with a Band-Aid that he could find under the bathroom sink. David agreed to do all of that and hung up. I didn't get a call back, so I assumed all was well.
| Is your grandchildren's grandpa a hugger? |
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Sure is; he's always got his arms open 60.0%
It's not this thing but he'll be there if the kids need it 26.9%
No way. He loves them, but from a distance 13.1%
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Just One Problem
That evening, my daughter called David to thank him for the carpooling and then asked to speak to me. She told me the details of the scraped knee incident and said that grandpa had done a good job patching it up — "except for one thing," she said with a laugh. Jack's older sister Hattie noticed that grandpa didn't give Jack a hug, and told her mom, "A kid is supposed to get a hug when they get hurt." I got off the phone laughing and turned to David: "Didn't you give Jack a hug when he fell?" My husband looked up from the newspaper and said, quite resolutely, "You didn't tell me to hug him." Indeed, I hadn't included a hug with my directions for what to do about a scraped knee.
On the phone the next day, I retold this story to a friend, still amazed that I needed to tell David to hug a hurt child, even if it was a very minor scrape. But she was not at all surprised: When her grandbaby, Tony, had spent the weekend with them recently, he was teething and very fussy at night; only Kathy's rocking and holding him seemed to get him back to sleep for a few hours. Kathy had been up and down with Tony during the night and finally told her busband, Jim, that it would be his turn the next time the boy cried. Shortly after Kathy got back to sleep, Tony started crying, and Jim dutifully jumped up to take over. After 15 more minutes of steady crying, Kathy, wide awake, went to check on how Jim was handling things. She found him standing against the side of the crib patting Tony on the back, explaining to the boy that he should be quiet so everyone could get some sleep. Kathy had to tell Jim what Hattie already knew – everybody needs a hug when they don't feel well.
Now Grandpa teases Jack and Hattie whenever he takes them anywhere, constantly asking, "Are you okay? Does anyone need a hug?"
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