My granddaughter Hattie and I love to shop for clothes, but her mother hates it. This suits us all very well, especially since it allows me some one-on-one time with Hattie. Since they were babies, I have purchased special outfits for both of our granddaughters to wear to a joint family birthday dinner we host soon after each New Year's Day. (We have four family birthdays that fall in January.)
I ask that everyone wear suitable attire that promotes good table manners for this occasion – no jeans, please. Typically, the two girl cousins dress up more than their brothers, but everyone looks nice for the family photographs. Renee, 4, is still young enough to be happy wearing any party dress I pick out for her, as long as it is pink. But shopping with Hattie for a birthday outfit this year proved to be a challenge.
On a recent weekday when Hattie had no school, we planned a leisurely shopping trip. I should explain that Hattie, almost 11, has large dark brown eyes, dark brown hair that naturally waves around her shoulders, and dimples that accentuate her full lips. She's trim and well-toned from endless horseback riding. And she is developing a sense of fashion but is not old enough to understand what is appropriate dress for her age, or at least for the occasion. This year she voiced a very strong opinion — she wanted to wear a prom dress.
For our day out, I insisted that we analyze what clothes and accessories she already had that we could take with us. I explained the concept of mixing the old with the new, by, say, adding a new sweater to an old skirt or wearing last year’s boots with this year’s new outfit. Reluctantly, she put on a multi-tone short gray skirt and ankle-high gray boots, and carried along a pair of black flats with gold buckles, all as possible matches for her new outfit. Still, she maintained that this didn't seem like the preparation for prom-dress shopping — not a good start.
| Do you approve of the way your grandchildren dress? |
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Yes, they look great and dress appropriately 34.7%
No, they look shabby or, yes, trashy 24.8%
They're OK. They know how to dress nicely when they need to. 40.5%
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Then we hit the shops, where I was appalled at the kind of party clothes offered to preteen girls. Racks were filled with dresses that barely covered one shoulder or had tiny spaghetti straps. Most dresses were constructed of shiny fabric or netting and every one was covered with bling. It seemed to me that there were few choices between casual attire and adult-looking dress-up outfits.
I tried to make our trip an opportunity to talk about what is appropriate for certain occasions, as well as what was in fashion or pretty to look at. Hattie thought I was being unreasonable as we moved unsuccessfully from one store to the next, but I maintained that I was being open-minded. All the while, I asked her to be patient and assured her that we wouldn't give up, and that it was possible look trendy and dressy without looking trashy – but I had yet to prove my point.
After lunch, we were finally successful. Hattie found a darling wide-body T-shirt made of jersey fabric with bat-wing sleeves and three rows of rhinestones across the yoke. I showed her how to tuck one side into the waistband of her gray skirt for the saucy look she wanted, and we bought a pair of patterned tights to go with her gray boots and complete the outfit. She was thrilled and I thought the outfit was completely appropriate for the party. At least her body was covered. Most of all, her mother was delighted that she wasn’t the one who had to spend the day arguing with her willful daughter about age-appropriate dresses.
In the end, we got a great family photograph, and Hattie says she plans to wear the outfit again for two upcoming occasions. I had a great day teaching her an important lesson and I'm happy that, at least for now, my opinion still counts.
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