Most grandparents believe their adult children do a terrific job raising their kids — especially in our high-tech, high-stress, highly whacked-out world. Today's parents must cope with challenges we never dreamed of when our kids were growing up. (And let's face it, we weren't exactly perfect parents ourselves.) Still, we're grandparents now. We fret and worry. We see things that our adult children, caught up in the hectic rush of day-to-day parenting, may overlook — or simply not know how to deal with.
Here are the 10 concerns that are uppermost on our minds:
1. Too much technology. We are living in an ADD world, in which practically everybody is plugged in at all times. Three-year-olds obsessed with Dad's iPhone? Kids with their own cell phones gaming, texting, or, scariest of all, sexting? High-tech gadgets may be de rigueur, but no one knows yet what impact all this technology is having on developing bodies and minds.
2. Sexualization of children. Speaking of sexting, the early sexualization of children today, especially girls, is pretty scary, too. The majority of today's grandparents came of age in the free-lovin' 1960s, and we aren't prudes. Still, the constant bombardment of sexually charged images in the media has been shown to have a clear, unhealthy trickle-down effect on children as young as age five. Parents must work harder than ever to monitor media exposure for young children.
3. Kids scheduled to the nanosecond. Soccer, violin, gymnastics, chess, drama, tae kwon do? Do kids really need to excel at all of these things, plus go to school and keep up with homework? Note to parents: Please add time to the weekly schedule for your little overachiever to lay on the grass and stare up at passing clouds.
4. Diet. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control, child and adolescent obesity has more than tripled in the past 30 years, putting young people at risk for serious physical, social, and emotional problems. Potato chips in the lunchbox and fast food for dinner may be easy options for busy parents in the short run, but the kids will pay the price later on.
5. Lack of discipline. Grandparents have probably been kvetching about this since Cain and Abel had kids — well, okay, just Cain. That said, it does seem that today's parents cater to their children more than ever, and the kids have more power than they can handle. Whether this is due to parental guilt in families where mom and dad both work full-time, or a broad cultural shift, parents need to step up and assert their authority for the sake of their children. (Except, of course, in families where the parents hit, swear at, or otherwise scare the hell out of their kids.)
6. Overprotective parents. We all know (and some of us are related to) "helicopter parents" — hoverers who panic over every possible glitch and are determined to sanitize and risk-proof childhood. The hitch is that children learn to cope and live in the world by failing, falling, brooking disappointment, and solving problems on their own. Of course, protecting kids is essential to their well being. Overprotecting them? Not so much.
7. Overly plugged-in parents. How often have you observed your adult sons and daughters texting while presumably spending "quality time" with their children? Hello? How can they expect their kids to keep their text and Facebook habits under control when they cannot?
8. Too much stuff. Instead of learning to be creative or value what they already have, kids who are constantly showered with toys and gadgetry merely master the first commandment of out-of-control consumer culture: Stuff equals happiness. (Grandparents who love to spoil their grandkids — and who doesn't? — could use a refresher lesson, too.)
9. Missing manners and other signs of lost civilization. At the risk of sounding like an old crank, I must point out that politeness and good manners still matter. Ditto kindness, empathy, respect for other humans, and the ability to move on without throwing a hissy fit every time things don't go your way. Good behavior must be modeled by parents. And, lastly…
10. Grandparents kept out of the loop. We know we're not perfect. Sometimes we suffer from a flare-up of foot-in-mouth disease. Still, next to the parents, no one cares about the kids as much as we do. Our presence in their lives offers them much-needed stability, love without judgment, a living link to their family history and, more often than not, cupcakes. Let us in.
Read more about what grandparents see, but parents don't:
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