"In spite of the talk of family breakdown, grandparents in many families on both sides of the Atlantic are closely involved in the care of their grandchildren," renowned British child psychologist Penelope Leach writes in her new book, Child Care Today: Getting It Right for Everyone (Knopf, 2009). The book is in part the end result of a five-year study by Dr. Leach, in which she set out to discover who cares for children today and how well they do it.
Dr. Leach recently discussed with Grandparents.com the crucial role that grandparents play in providing care to their grandchildren, which is one theme of her new book. The bottom line? Non-parental child care is a fact of life, and grandparents can do an outstanding job providing it. (To learn about Dr. Leach's personal grandparenting style, read part two of our interview with this grandmother of six.)
Grandparents.com: In your book you write that child care is really a jigsaw puzzle of people and places. What role do grandparents play in that puzzle?
Penelope Leach: A willing and involved grandparent is a real plus for families — it gives them a huge advantage over others. Grandparents play a very consistent, often unacknowledged role. Some grandparents are full-time care providers for grandchildren, but in many families grandparents fill in the gaps. You need to have someone who can step in when the regular child-care plan breaks down, especially with a sick child. It’s horrible for a feverish toddler to go to a stranger. Also many parents can only afford part-time daycare, so grandparents take the child the rest of the day until the parents come home. In the United Kingdom, if you combine all of these roles, grandparent care plays a larger role than all other categories of care.
GP: In the current economic climate, many young families are really struggling. Are grandparents helping them get by when they provide free or low-cost child care?
PL: No doubt about it! The latest estimate in Britain is that grandparents are saving the economy almost 1 billion pounds a year [about $1.6 billion].
GP: What do grandchildren gain when they are cared for by grandparents?
PL: Research shows that language skills develop better for preschool children who are in grandparent care. However, children don't go quite as far in the academic learning areas when they are cared for by grandparents. But you have to stop and think, what’s most important at that age — the language skills and love, or the paper-and-pen skills? I’d rather have them cuddled and chatting than getting a head start on academics at that age.
GP: How does the role of grandparents in the U.S. differ from that of grandparents in Great Britain or other countries?
PL: I get a sense from the research that in the United States grandparents often want more of a relationship with grandchildren than is easily available to them, whereas here in Europe, grandparents seem to be the other way around. They would like a bit more time to themselves! I’ve heard more from American grandparents who feel that, because they are experienced parents, their values and discipline should be accepted by their adult children. But in Great Britain grandparents seem to feel more that they have to try to go along with what the parents are doing, and it really is the parents' right to make decisions.
GP: What role do you see grandparents playing with teenage grandchildren?
PL: Several studies in Europe show that grandparents are having a strong influence on teens because they do provide a great amount of care, or really "companionship" for grandchildren up to 16 years of age. Many teens get very lonely and don’t see grandma as a "babysitter," but just someone to be with and tell about their day. They may talk more with their grandparents than their parents.
GP: What tips can you share with grandparents who provide child care for their grandchildren, whether regularly or occasionally?
PL: Some things grandparents should think about:
* Have the courage to be honest — don’t let yourself get pushed into a child-care arrangement you don’t really want. Talk with the parent and be clear with yourself why you are doing this. Sort out any resentment you have so you don’t feel that you are being taken for granted. Nurture your relationship with the parent — it’s absolutely crucial to how well the child does.
* Have a cup of coffee with the parent once a week, or Sunday dinner or whatever works. Sharing anything as precious as the care of a child is important and worth taking the time. Fill each other in on what’s been going on, discuss progress, plan activities and come up with new ideas together.
* Plan one activity for each day rather than letting the days drift by. You don’t need a full curriculum, but make sure the week has a variety of activities — not the same thing each day.
* You don’t have to be a full-time caregiver to contribute. Sometimes the best role for grandparents is filling in around the edges. Being with other children is important for young children, so maybe the child can go to [day care or nursery school] part-time and be with you part-time. Otherwise, it’s difficult for grandparents to find enough socialization for the children without some sort of organized groups.
Elsewhere on Grandparents.com, read part two of our interview with Penelope Leach, join the discussion about whether grandparents should be nannies, discover what happens when parents and grandparents clash over who's in charge, and read about five more ways to be a better grandparent.
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