We all have wish lists — full of those things that someday, sometime, somehow we'd love to experience or have. But, as soon as they're changing that first diaper, newbie parents quickly find their lists extending to include the items or experiences they want for their child — your grandchild.
You remember those over-the-changing-table daydreams. It wasn't too long ago that you were there yourself. The difference is that now you're likely in a much better position to help your grown children make that once-in-a-lifetime family adventure to Europe go from glossy travel brochure tacked to the refrigerator to reality for their offspring.
Parents may not openly or readily share their secret desires and dreams with grandparents, says Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories With Your Grandchildren. Many adult children fear being seen as greedy or taking advantage of their parents. Others don't want to be judged — or subject their partners to judgment — by their parents or in-laws for not making enough money to be able to easily afford the big-ticket items they want.
On the flip side, as grandparents, you may not be comfortable sleuthing around in your children's "wouldn't it be nice if ..." wish lists. Not to worry. We figured as much and did a little digging on our own. Here are some fly-on-the-wall glimpses of things parents really want for their kids but won't ask for.
Passport to the World
Travel often tops the list of what people would do more of if money was no object. Parents often harbor the hope of providing this experience for their kids — and hey, if the grandparents wanted to help make that happen, who would they be to object?
Beth, a Washington, D.C. area mom of two daughters younger than 3, has visions of introducing the girls to new peoples and places when they reach the age 10 to 12. "We want to take them traveling around the world. An understanding of cultures will help to instill an understanding in them that what happens in the world, good or bad, affects all people," she says. "I'd like to take them on a 'grand tour,' in the old-fashioned sense: Travel for a month or so in Europe and let them see the historic places they hear about in history class."
In Search of a Magic Wand
Bryan Engstrom couldn't help but relish the puzzled look on his grandson's face as he opened the new suitcase he'd given him for Christmas. The expression basically said: "I'm 10 years old. What do I need a piece of luggage for?"
As he flipped through brochures from London and Scotland, out slipped plane tickets and it hit him over the head: His grandfather and he, both huge Harry Potter fans, were off on a 10-day Harry Potter-theme tour of England and Scotland, complete with a ride on the actual Hogwart's Express train and a banquet at Edinburgh Castle. Granddad Bryan had picked up the cues, knew his grandchild's interests and that the trip was beyond what his grandson's parents could swing for. "I think he's still trembling," recalls granddad Bryan fondly, "and that was almost a year ago."
Lynn Wilkison of Colorado Springs-based Beyond Boundaries Travel, which runs HP Fan Trips, says approximately 25 percent of the three family-based Harry Potter itineraries are purchased by grandparents for their grandkids. As grandparents, you can purchase the trips directly through the company, which provides gift boxes — complete with a gift certificate in Hogwarts-esque script and a foam train — ready to be unwrapped at birthday parties or left under the Christmas tree.
The six- to nine-day trips aren't cheap, ranging from $1,949 to $2,799 in 2007, but kids will absorb a serving of the United Kingdom's culture while exploring Harry's world. Don't delay booking — Wilkison says many of the July trips begin selling out by late December.
If Harry Potter isn't exactly your cup of muggle tea, the travel company has more upcoming movie-themed tours scheduled, including trips based on The Pirates of the Caribbean, Jane Austen novels, and Philip Pullman's novel-turned-movie, The Golden Compass.
S'mores. Bug juice. God's eyes.
Along with her European travel wishes, Beth would like to see her kids hit the campsite. "Learning how to be on your own in a protected environment is gaining an important skill for later in life — like college," she says, herself a veteran camper of residential Girl Scout and 4-H camps. It's a safe place to learn independence and test boundaries. "I'd like my girls to experience sleepaway camps so they not only have the experience of camaraderie, but also learn in a safe environment how to be away from their parents."
Camp tuitions vary widely, ranging from $325 to $780 per week for sleepaway camps and going as low as $75 per week for day camps, according to the American Camp Association. If you'd like to surprise your grandkids with a trip to the tents, the American Camp Association's database will allow you to search some 2,400 camps by camper age, location, cost, and activity.
Class Act
Jessica, a Washington, D.C., mom of two, was pleasantly surprised when her in-laws gave an experiential gift to their granddaughter. They found a family-based yoga studio that offered a semester of toddler yoga classes and registered the then-2-year-old as a gift to her.
One place to start browsing for experience-as-gift ideas is excitations.com, a Web site that does exactly that — ties up experiences in nice, neat little bows so they can be given as presents. Items are searchable by region; prices start at $50 and climb to the upper hundreds. Its "Kid Zone" section offers everything from indoor rock climbing to an overnight stay on a historic World War II battleship in Philadelphia to a recording-studio experience or a chance to feed sharks in an aquarium.
That's the Ticket
Want to give them a secret pass to a stash of knowledge? Another item parents may like to have as an extra for their children, but wouldn't necessarily shell out for is membership to a museum. And many children's museums, such as the Boston Children's Museum, offer a gift membership.
The annual gift membership there costs $125 and includes invitations to special members-only events, access to express lines on busy days, and discounts on birthday parties and gift shop purchases. The museum also participates in the Association of Children's Museum Reciprocal Program, which includes free admission to more than 150 other kids' museums nationwide. Want to attach an incentive to your grandchild's learning? Throw in a gift-shop budget for each museum visit. Astronaut ice cream all around!
Family Ties
Katie, a Washington, D.C. mother of a 2-year-old son, would love the gift of a family reunion for her son. With family up and down the East Coast, she'd like to see an annual or semi-annual family gathering happen, in hopes that it would become a family tradition.
George G. Morgan, author of Your Family Reunion: How to Plan It, Organize It and Enjoy It, suggests starting to plan a reunion at least three to six months in advance (even further if it's a destination reunion) and setting a budget early.
When planning, don't be afraid to ask other family members for help. And, definitely enlist the help of a travel agent when it comes to assembling the plans. "They can negotiate prices for you and have the contacts within the travel industry," he says.
For multigenerational trips, cruises work well, as the more active can venture off to the rain-forest zip line while others relax at the pool. Then, reunite at dinner or in the game room.
What Parents Want ... for Themselves
It may not be the most outlandish gift on the market, and it's not specifically for the grandchildren, but it's like pure gold to parents. Karin, a mom of two in Alexandria, Va., was thrilled when her New Zealand in-laws joined her, her husband, and their two young children in North Carolina's Outer Banks. Not only was it great bonding time for the kids to have with their faraway grandparents, but when Karin's in-laws volunteered to babysit, that gave the parents a much-needed night out. "As parents, it gave us the opportunity to have some alone time," she says.
Plus, you will likely find that gift of one-on-one bonding time with your grandchild equally valuable. The ten days granddad Bryan spent traveling with his grandson on the Harry Potter trip created lasting memories. And, he won't soon be forgetting his grandson's excitement at opening the gift. "Seeing the stars in his eyes," he says, "[was] the best memory for me."
Clues & Cues
Uncovering the items topping your adult child's wish list of things he or she wants for your grandchild — but won't ask for — may be as simple as this: Listening for clues and cues. Has your child casually mentioned something friends gave their child that your son or daughter might also like to give — but just can't swing financially? The response to that question could lead to the makings of a perfect surprise.
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