A Guided Tour of the Toddler Years

From potty training to tantrums, here's what's up with your grandchildren

by Lambeth Hochwald

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There’s nothing like watching your whirling dervish of a grandchild. Have you ever seen that much energy? Ask anyone and they’ll tell you that the toddler phase of life is magical. Even the smallest things are a huge discovery, and the giggles are contagious.

We asked Ari Brown, M.D., pediatrician and co-author of Toddler 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Toddler, to dish on the important things you should know about your favorite toddler, no matter where she is on the developmental scale.

Grandparents.com: Why does it seem like the only things my grandchild will eat are chicken fingers and fries?

Dr. Brown: Who wouldn’t like fat and salt? Toddlers, like anyone else, will pick the tasty foods and not necessarily the healthy ones, especially if it’s an option. I encourage families to keep trying the healthy stuff and not cave. If you become a short-order cook, your grandchild will always hold out to get what he wants. If your grandchild is hungry and there are no other options, he will eat what you’re serving. Just keep it low-key, and don’t demand or bargain. (FYI: The “if you eat your dinner, you’ll get dessert” incentive plan just isn’t necessary.)

GP: What’s the deal with sippy cups? Are they good for my grandchild?

Dr. Brown: The only advantage of a sippy cup is that it prevents spillage. I actually don’t like sippy cups because the mechanism is just like sucking from a bottle, and it brings the fluid right behind the top teeth. If the fluid contains sugar, like [in] milk or juice, it can be a set-up for cavities. If your grandchild isn’t quite ready for a cup, you can offer her a sippy cup with a straw—at least the fluid will go to the throat and not on the teeth.

GP: How careful do I need to be if I have to take a pill while my grandchild is over for a visit?

Dr. Brown: Kids can’t tell the difference between pills and candy. Grandparents’ medications can be very dangerous, especially iron pills or high blood pressure and heart disease medications. Don’t leave them on the sink or anywhere in reach!

GP: Should I be worried if my grandchild isn’t potty-trained? I remember my own child was potty-trained well before preschool.

Dr. Brown: Toddlers will do it when they’re ready. It is a developmental milestone and, yes, the pendulum has swung a bit since you raised your kids, but we realize that pushing kids before they are ready trains the adults but not the child (and it can create some toileting fears and constipation).

GP: I love my grandchild more than anything, but I can’t understand a thing he says!

Dr. Brown: It can be hard to interpret what a toddler is saying, and this can lead to frustration. If you don’t understand, ask the child to show you what he needs or wants. Sign language is trendy now, and if you happen to sign, this may open up some lines of communication for a grandchild whose verbal skills are just emerging.

GP: I’d love to hug my grandchild when he comes over to visit, but he never wants to. Should I push?

Dr. Brown: Don’t jump right in to hold your grandchild. Let him warm up to you first. Also, talk to his mom and dad, then make eye contact with the child later. Also, get down to the child’s level so you are eye-to-eye and not bending over or looking down at him. Offer a toy to play with. Most importantly: Visit more often, and don’t be offended if he is slow to warm up — it’s nothing personal!

GP: The last time my granddaughter came over, she had a total tantrum. I didn’t know what to do.

Dr. Brown: It’s important that you remain firm. Be sure she’s safe, and then say, “I see you’re having a tantrum right now. Let me know when you are done.” Ignore her and walk away. It takes 20 times for this to sink in, but it will eventually.