So you say that while you're excited about the arrival of your grandchild, you're really looking forward to the toddler- and preschool-years because you're "just not a baby person." Not a baby person!? We think you really are, or at least that you should be. New research tells us that babies are much more aware from the moment they're born than we ever realized, and so your opportunity to influence them can begin sooner than you expected. Also, they're adorable.
The following are three reasons expectant grandparents offer when they explain why they're "just not baby people." But none of them should keep you from embracing your newborn grandchild, and we'll tell you why.
"Babies Are Too Fragile"
"I didn't want to hurt the baby or drop her," says Harvey Kallens, 62, a grandfather of two in Baltimore. So he was reluctant to hold his first grandchild during her first few months. In reality, though, "infants are actually very resilient," says Jaime Friedman, M.D., a San Diego pediatrician. "This is not to say they should be handled in a rough manner or shaken, but they can be held, tickled, and carried."
If dropping the baby is a real fear for you, though, make sure that you're always sitting when you hold the child, or that you wear a baby carrier, like those made by Kangaroo Korner or by BabyBjörn, to help you keep the newborn close but safe.
"New Parents Are Too Fragile"
New parents do have a way of forgetting that their babies' grandparents have some experience in caring for small children, and they can overwhelm grandparents with the child-care "rules" that they picked up from classes and parenting guides. For some grandparents, getting between a newborn and his or her parents just isn't worth the stress.
"Many grandparents see a big gap between the way they parented and this new generation. They don't want to do 'the wrong thing' with the baby, and they may engage in conflict about what is right, often with the baby's mother," says Bernice Weissbourd, 85, a grandmother of 11 in Evanston, Ill., a child-development expert and the president of Family Focus.
While new parents can sometimes seem overprotective, often their approach is based on legitimate new research into the best way to care for babies, Weissbourd says. To reassure the parents that you have their baby's best interests at heart, ask them what guides they are reading, and borrow or buy copies for yourself so you can get on the same page.
| Are you a "baby person"? |
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Yes, I love them when they're tiny 89.0%
No, I can't wait until they start talking 11.0%
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As enjoyable as they are, of course, newborns do mostly just eat, sleep, and poop. Fortunately, you can volunteer to help with all three, giving new parents a break and creating a bond with your grandchild: Offer to burp a baby after he or she has been breastfed; let the baby sleep on you; or change a diaper. The changing table, in fact, can be a wonderful place for interacting with the baby and is often the place where families see their baby's first smiles.
"Babies Are Boring"
"I prefer my older grandchildren to the babies," says Phyllis Smelkinson, 63, a grandmother of seven in Washington, D.C. "The time we spend is more interesting to me. I can use it to learn how their minds work." But in reality, a grandchild's mind is working from the moment he or she is born.
"Babies learn through repetition and predictability," says Helen Garabedian of Sudbury, Mass., a certified Infant Developmental Movement Educator. Garabedian created Itsy Bitsy Yoga to teach developmentally-appropriate poses and rhymes that can comfort or stimulate the tiniest tots. Grandparents who interact and play with their newborn grandchildren can unlock the keys to comforting them, entertaining them, or holding their attention. In other words, bonding with them.
Whatever approach you take to your newborn grandchildren, don't let their early months pass by. They are babies so briefly, so embrace this time, and embrace them. Even if they don’t remember these days, you will.
To find tips for bonding with a new grandchild, click here. Elsewhere on Grandparents.com, discover what to do when you find out you're going to be a grandparent. Learn when your infant grandchildren will love you back. Get a refresher on diaper duty, and read what one grandfather has learned from his grandchildren.
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