Embrace Your Grandchild's Quirks

My 1-year-old grandson was in his high chair ready for dinner when he pointed out the window and said, "Moon!" Actually, it sounded more like "moo," but what's an n between grandparent and grandchild? I was delighted that he was starting to say real words. Then he did something rather odd. He howled… like a wolf… at the moon. Okay, I wondered. Is this something to lose sleep over?

Not to worry, says Claire Laufman, a retired Elwood, N.Y., school psychologist. In her 23 years on the job, she's seen scads of curious kid behavior. When a child does something peculiar, she says, it's usually nothing to worry about.

"Attention getting is major reason for quirky behavior," says Laufman. Kids prefer positive attention, but would rather have negative attention than none at all. Laufman remembers one child saying, "I'd rather be yelled at than ignored."

On the flip side, a child who is about to be punished or reprimanded might do something quirky to deflect attention and change the subject. A child who is called on in school might think, 'I don't know the answer so I'll stand on my head,' says Laufman. "The child would rather be punished for that."

"In general a lot of curious behavior disappears after a while — unless parents focus on it and reinforce the behavior," Laufman says. Positive reinforcement is a powerful lure to get a child to continue doing something.

Children are observant. Says Laufman, "A child's parents may be joking around and the kid picks up on that." But it isn't only parents' actions that get repeated. Kids will also imitate their peers, teachers they like, even TV characters — and yes, their grandparents, too! Laufman tells parents, "Think of your child's personality as a coat hanger. Kids try on different outfits through the years until they see what's a good fit."

"Early childhood and adolescence tend to be acting-out times," says Laufman. She refers to the popular Amelia Bedelia books, which reflect younger children's attempts to make sense of words and behavior. Older kids are trying to separate from parents and their values, to run with the pack. "It's a time for figuring out who you are as an individual," she says. "You get a lot of quirkiness in junior high, when thinking is still a little magical, reasoning is immature, and hormones are raging."

According to Laufman, parents tend to worry about quirks. As grandparents, though, you have more perspective. "You've seen more of life and know that these behaviors are slight detours, but that most kids end up being healthy, responsible, productive adults," she says. "And you know the child's not going to walk down the aisle with his blue blanket."

As Paul Harvey would say, "And now for the rest of the story." My grandson's father was holding him. They looked out at the night sky, including the moon, together (attention). After seeing a picture of a wolf on a calendar, his parents told him the sound that a wolf makes (modeling). When he imitated the howl, they laughed (positive reinforcement). Some day (when it is age-appropriate) he will outgrow this little quirk. In the meantime, I am thoroughly enjoying my little grandwolf.

What qualifies for remarkable odd behavior? We polled grandparents nationwide to see what oddities they had observed. Here are their stories:

Jonah, who is 15 months old, is very friendly. One day he was waiting in line at the market with his mother. He kept saying "Hi" to the woman in front of them, but the woman didn't hear him. So, he slapped her on the rear! When she turned, he gave her a big smile and said, "Hi." This time she answered.

Sherry Shusterman, a 63-year-old grandmother of one from Cherry Hill, N.J.: "At his age, he can do that," she adds, laughing.

Sydney is almost 2. She likes to play "Stop & Go" with her mother. She'll run. Then when her mother calls "Stop!", she comes to a screeching halt. When we're at the mall together, Sydney holds up her hands and yells "STOP!" She looks surprised when people don't follow her command. Often, they do!

Helene Cohen, a 63-year-old grandmother of four from Penn Valley, Pa.: "Grandkids are so much fun!"

My youngest, Lindsay, just turned 3. As it is with many young children, her letters of the alphabet don't always come out right. Her latest [expression] is to say, "I love you fish!" But because she's unable to pronounce her f's, it comes out as "I love you bish!" And, of course, the more someone laughs, the more she repeats it, as her parents want to climb under the table with embarrassment!

Paulette Lebowitz, a 59-year-old grandmother of three from Miami, Fla.: "Our grandchildren bring great sunshine into our lives."

One or the Other

My 4-year-old granddaughter, Katerina, is bilingual; she speaks English and Greek. She is always correcting me. "Either you speak all Greek or all English," she says. "Don't mix them up!"

Maria Pentakis, a 55-year-old grandmother of four from Marlton, N.J.: "I am lucky to have my grandchildren near me."

Twins: Same & Different

3-year-olds Samantha and Sabrina are twins, but they are very different. Samantha needs to have everything arranged in exactly the right place when she goes to bed at night: green shiny blanket under heavy one, water on left, book and flashlight on right. Sabrina is completely haphazard in how she gets ready for bed. Everything is thrown on the bed and she lands on top of it all.

Suzzi Glazer, a 61-year-old grandmother of two from Miami, Fla.: "What is so special about my grandchildren is that they are so different in looks and personality, but they are each other's best friend."