I once spent an entire day alone with my then 7-year-old granddaughter. We walked across a bridge, rode a carousel, went to the playground, and ate lunch in a real restaurant. I remember it well and so does she.
Recently, when her 14-year-old brother announced that he was going to be an architect, his eyes met mine and we smiled, remembering the moments we shared alone a few years ago when I told him I thought he’d make a good architect.
Connecting with grandchildren is one of the most delightful parts of grandparenting. Unless you’re their regular babysitter, it can be hard to get that precious alone-time. But you can still make it happen.
“I don’t babysit except for special occasions,” says Annette Wolcott, 70, of East Haven, Conn. But last year, she and her husband, Gene, treated each of their 19 grandchildren to breakfast on their birthdays. “It was just the birthday child and their grandfather and I,” she says.
This attention from grandparents helps kids feel special. “Alone time with them is essential to getting to know them,” says Susan Ginsberg of Manhattan, grandmother of three, and editor and publisher of the monthly newsletter Work & Family Life. "It creates ties that last a lifetime."
The Basics
* First, make sure your grandchildren's parents know not just that you're willing and able to take the kids, but also that you're eager to set aside "special days" with individual children.
* Start setting aside alone time with each grandchild when they're very young so that it becomes a routine they look forward to continuing.
* Always consider a grandchild's interests when planning time together. But don’t be afraid to introduce something new. If a grandparent can't nudge the kids out of their comfort zone, who can?
Making Time With Toddlers
Getting alone time with very young children is simple: Offer to feed them, bathe them, or put them to bed. During family gatherings, ask them to tell you about their favorite toys. And get down on the floor with them and their cars, blocks, or dolls. Or just take them for a walk.
“Give the activity a special name. Say, 'This is Mary’s time," or 'This is John’s walk,’” says Susan Newman, a Metuchen, N.J., social psychologist, grandmother of five and author of books including Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories with Your Grandchildren (Crown, 1996).
Elementary and Middle School
When grandchildren reach elementary and middle school, it’s time to start building traditions. Newman plants a garden each year with one of her grandchildren, but says, "Any activity or craft can be something special you do together, and it can establish traditions they may carry on with their own children."
Not only can children of this age learn from you, you can learn from them, and you should, because those moments can be special, too. “Get them to teach you a computer game, or how to program your cell phone," Ginsberg suggests.
The Teen Years
In the teen years, it may seem like peers, text messaging, and other activities take priority over you. “It’s a grin-and-bear-it time, when you cherish any attention you get,” Newman says.
Ginsberg agrees. “You have to be patient with teenagers. They may not want to spend the same amount of time with you as they have in the past.”
I’ve always wondered why a friend was willing to give up her evenings to drive her teen granddaughter to band practice. Now I understand: that drive gives her an opportunity for alone-time with her grandchild.
Traveling with older grandchildren is another good way to get one-on-one time with them. “My granddaughter and I both love museums," Ginsberg says. "So when she was 15, I took her to England and France for two weeks." Even day trips can provide memorable experiences. “And don’t forget your camera,” she adds.
For 100 things to do with your grandchildren this summer, click here. Elsewhere on Grandparents.com, join the discussion about whether your grandchildren know you well enough, read our feature on the best ice-breakers to get grandchildren talking, and find out how to bond with grandchildren from a distance.
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