The tragedy in Japan may be thousands of miles away, but with the images of destruction dominating TV and computer screens, it may be too close for comfort for some children.
After Hurricane Katrina, the earthquake in Haiti, the BP oil spill, and now this horrific earthquake and tsunami with its aftermath of nuclear crisis, kids have been exposed to a number of devastating events in the past few years. Some may see the images and be unaffected. Some may hear about people suffering and want to help. But others, from preschoolers to teens, may be confused or upset and need to talk out those feelings.
How Kids May React
Younger children may have questions about what's happened, and your answers should be as simple as possible, clinical psychologist Nadja Reilly of Children Hospital Boston advised in an interview with WFAA.com. Answer questions honestly, calmly, and clearly, but don’t go into more detail than a child seeks. Kids 8 or younger tend to be primarily concerned with their own family's safety, and seek assurance that they'll be safe, so that's what parents and grandparents should focus on. Their fears that a similar event could happen to their family are very real, even if we know in our minds that the likelihood is slim. Acknowledge their fears, and remind them that natural disasters are rare and that everyone in their family and community does their best to keep them safe, says Barbara Chabner, a clinical psychologist in Highland Park, N.J. Kids this age, she adds, typically won't fixate on such concerns for very long.
Children 8 to 12 will want more details, and are likely to have questions about how something like this disaster occurs and what is going to happen to those affected. They may ask where displaced people will live, where children will go to school, etc. Now is the time to talk to them about relief organizations and together, brainstorm ways that your family can help. Being able to provide even a bit of help can be very empowering to kids, Reilly says. [Note: Families that want to help may do best giving money to the Red Cross and letting the professionals decide how to use it, rather than, say, collecting blankets or food.]
Adolescents may act like they know everything, but they may also be confused about the crisis. Ask what they know, and help them fill in the blanks — or correct their misconceptions. Older kids can conceptualize the death and destruction in ways that younger kids can't, Chabner says, which could escalate into feelings of depression for kids prone to it.
Managing Images
| How much have you and your grandchildren talked about the Japan tragedy? |
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A lot; it's all they can think about 9.5%
Some; only when they ask 57.1%
Not all all; the kids are oblivious to the news 33.3%
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Whether to turn off the TV and shield kids from all images of the destruction, or all discussion of the potential nuclear calamity, depends on each child's age and emotional reactions. Just as younger children may sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between TV reality and fiction, they may also have trouble separating events occurring far away from those closer to home. Reilly suggests limiting media exposure and setting aside time to discuss what's happening. "Limiting your own media use is a great way to model behavior," she says, "and can cut down on the number of frightening images [kids] are indirectly exposed to as well." In other words, wait till the kids are asleep to turn on the coverage.
But it doesn't help children who are are disturbed by the news for you to avoid the topic altogether. "It's important to let them know that it's okay to have feelings, fears, and worries," Chabner says, "and to be able to express them and talk about them. Don't hit them over the head with it, though. Take your lead from them, and just be available."
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