A parent's job description includes being chef, chauffeur, nurse, custodian, personal assistant, and more. One responsibility that often gets forgotten, however, is that of reporter. Your parents and in-laws want to know what 's happening in your children's lives, and they have a right not only to updates but also to direct communication with the kids. And yes, it's possible to keep them in the loop without dropping any of the other balls you're juggling.
Make Time for Get-Togethers
If grandparents live nearby, arrange one-on-one time when they can connect with the kids without all the background noise of big family gatherings. Whether it's a ride in the park, a sleepover, or a fast-food run, these moments strengthen their intergenerational bond. Grandma and grandpa can hear about friends, school projects, and ball games, while sharing some stories of their own youth (and yours), which gives kids a stronger sense of identity.
“Interacting with one’s parents’ parents gives the child a sense of perspective about the family and his or her place in it, and a feeling of continuity that can be reassuring in a world that can often seem random and unknowable,” says Steven Kuchuck, LCSW, a New York City psychoanalyst and coeditor of the journal Psychoanalytic Perspectives.
Does grandpa likes fishing? Let him collect your daughter early one Saturday and they can bond on the pond. Is grandma an art buff? Ask her to take your son to the museum or a hands-on art class. Is either one, or both, retired or between jobs? Invite them to school plays and soccer games.
Why Kids Need Grandparent Contact
Why does it matter so much for kids to bond with their grandparents? Because it's good for them, Kuchuck says, especially in families where parents may be caught up with work, or managing a divorce or other distractions. “Unlike parenthood, grandparenting doesn’t usually come with the baggage of day-to-day intensity, responsibility, and discipline," he says. "Grandparents are uniquely situated to be supportive, nurturing figures for children who are fortunate enough to have regular access to them."
“We know from studies of child development," he adds, "that all children need many and varied adults to love them in order to thrive."
Bridging the Distance
Many kids are separated from their grandparents by hundreds or thousands of miles, making regular sleepovers impossible. Yet if they can maintain contact, even virtually, they'll still reap the benefits of having those caring, involved adults in their lives.
Denver mother Gigi Stewart makes sure that her sons have regular phone calls with their grandparents, who live in Missouri and New York. She says, "I also keep their grandparents’ love alive for them by constantly including them in everyday conversations, like ‘Do you remember who gave this to you? Grandma Cindy!’ or ‘Who loves you?’ and make sure that their answer includes their grandparents.”
Virtual Solutions
If it's difficult for you to arrange regular phone calls because of time differences or the kids' busy schedules, your computer can help you solve the problem of keeping grandparents informed about the children.
| How well do you keep grandparents in the loop? |
 |
 |
Great; we talk constantly 33.3%
Okay; we do what we can 50.0%
Not as well as we could; we'll work on it 16.7%
| |
|
|
Set up a Facebook page about the kids where grandparents can see and comment on photos, school news, sports results, and more. (Make the page private to limit who can see it.) Or open a Twitter account, and send grandparents (and any other relatives who sign up for your feed) a steady stream of 140-characters-or-less updates. With a Flickr photo account, you can easily share new photos with grandparents as well.
None of these options is a substitute for direct contact. But you can use your computer's webcam to help kids and grandparents "meet" face-to face using the Skype service. If you have East Coast parents, encourage them to use Skype to read a bedtime story to their California grandchildren once a week. Both generations will look forward to their cyber-date.
If children are old enough to write notes to their grandparents, encourage them to become pen pals, via e-mail, or even better, on paper, if only because all children thrill to getting letters in the mail. Or try this idea: Give your parents a notebook and ask them to write a few pages then mail it to their grandkids. When it arrives, read it with your children, ask them to add a few pages about their lives, and mail it back. As the book travels, it will become an ever-evolving family heirloom — and a monument to your commitment to bridge the generation gap.
Home
