Are You a Hit-and-Run Grandparent?

How to avoid hearing: "We had the taxi come early to make sure you don't miss your plane."

If you’ve read my recent columns, you know none of my seven grandchildren live close by. To see them requires a plane ride to one of two distant cities. So we plan four trips plus a “festive visit” (birthday/Christmas/ Thanksgiving, etc.) to each of their homes during the year. Add one visit to our turf and our annual "grand gathering" of everybody for a week in the summer and the result is that we are with them, on average, every six weeks.

But how long should our visits to their homes last? Like well-trained grandparents, we strive to keep to the "fish" philosophy — be gone after three days or risk being thrown out. And, in truth, three days with three generations under one roof is plenty.

Within those parameters, however, there are some key variables. My husband and I do consulting work, which, though done from home, still means regular deadlines, scheduled conference calls, and meetings during the week. Our kids’ schedules are even less flexible — long hours at work and, for the older grandkids, school plus multiple extracurricular activities. All of which means that visits must be scheduled over weekends.

With Sunday flights much more expensive than Monday’s, we opt for a Friday-to-Monday schedule. But with trepidation. Early Sunday-night bedtimes and last-minute homework, plus the pressure on one parent or the other to prepare for a Monday-morning meeting, can occasionally make things tense. So we pitch in Sunday night to see that things move along quickly, quietly, and efficiently — and then pretty much disappear after the last grandchild is tucked into bed.

During the weekend, however, we’ve adopted a pattern that seems to work. One night — usually Saturday — we are the sole custodians of the grandkids so the parents can get some time alone. This obviously works to everybody’s advantage. Kitchen etiquette is important, too. My daughters-in-law are excellent cooks and prefer to be in command of their domain, so I substitute a grocery run to help out. We offer to chauffeur early-morning soccer games, midday playdates, and a quick look-see at the video store.

We ignore the computer. Our downtime with the grandkids often revolves around books — us reading to them, beginning readers reading to us, visits to the local bookstore. I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents appreciate this activity perhaps even more than their kids. They know how important reading skills are today for success in almost any endeavor. So even my compulsive cleaner-upper daughters-in-law ignore the books scattered on the sofa, chairs, and even under the bed.

The weekend ends quickly. Seems we’ve only arrived and it is Sunday night — just enough time for one last story, one last hug, and that delicious nighttime smooch.