The Muslim Grandparenting Experience

When you want world peace, the best thing you can do is make sure your grandchildren know.

At 74, Dr. Zafar Nomani has no interest in slowing down. Sure, he’s retired from a life-long vocation in academics and is a professor emeritus of human nutrition at West Virginia University. But since Sept. 11, 2001, the day of the terrorist attacks on the United States by Muslim extremists, Dr. Nomani has taken on the dual career of devoting himself to his grandchildren, while at the same time striving to bridge the gap between the Muslim world and America — two cultures he knows well.

Born in India in 1933, Dr. Nomani came to the United States in 1962 on a teacher-exchange program at Kansas State University. He went on to conduct research and pursue doctoral studies at Rutgers University in 1967, followed by West Virginia University in 1975. He has lived just outside the campus in Morgantown ever since.

Dr. Nomani has three grandchildren — Safiyyah is 16, Samir is 14, and Shibli is 5. They, he says, are the lights of his life.

“I realized my grandchildren have made my dream come true as ambassadors for Islam in America,” he says in a self-produced five-minute video on his life that appears on www.linktv.org and www.youtube.com, titled A Muslim Grandpa in America: Diplomacy in Action. “We need to open the doors of understanding to each other, between the religions and groups within the religion. It is this way that we will be able to dispel stereotypes on both sides of the divide and live together with respect. I am a living testimony to public diplomacy in action, and it should be practiced from childhood.”

Grandparents.com caught up with Dr. Nomani and spoke further with him about his grandchildren and his role as a Muslim grandfather in America.

Grandparents.com: What inspired you to do the video?

Dr. Zafar Nomani: My daughter told me about it. There was some sort of competition involved with it about Muslims in America, but that is not why I did it. When you are young and entering your profession, academics especially, establishing yourself in the profession is important. But the most important thing is you are a human being who should serve humanity through your specialty, or what you have been trained in. God gave me the chance to train myself in nutrition. I was blessed with this, and I served humanity in my profession. But I was not able to spend as much time with my children as I wanted. Now, after my retirement, God gave me a second chance to spend more time with my children and grandchildren. So I bought a video camera and we started taking their pictures in moments of excitement, birthdays and such. God gave me my health and a chance to enjoy the children and the grandchildren. I made this video so my grandchildren will know where Grandpa got educated and how he came to this country. (Editor's note: Dr. Nomani did not win, but received hundreds of views on the site. Click here to see the winner.)

GP: Do the grandchildren live in Morgantown?

ZN: They were recently in Morgantown, but a couple of years ago they moved to Massachusetts and Washington, D.C. But they do come frequently to see us in Morgantown, and we have them for long weekends. They also spend the summers with us.

GP: All three were born in the U.S., so how do you straddle the fine line between American values and Muslim faith and tradition?

ZN: We stress with them an open mind and free thinking, so they themselves can look at something and analyze for themselves. They are top students. We encourage them to participate in karate, soccer, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, to be part of the community. We have also given them values, both Eastern and Western, respect for others, whether you are Muslim, non-Muslim, black, white, whatever. And not just by talk, but by respect. They really are quite remarkable. They are very polite and very open. They are not scared of meeting anybody new. Even Shibli. He is very open. He will come right up to you and say, “I am Shibli Nomani, I am 5 years old.” (Laughs)

GP: Are there any special customs or traditions from your heritage that you share with the grandchildren?

ZN: They went to Sunday Islamic school and learned prayers, and so on. They eat Indian food and Western food. On special occasions they wear Indian dress. We have even taken all three on the Hajj (the pilgrimage to Mecca that every member of the Islamic faith is required to take if they are able-bodied and can afford it). My grandchildren made pilgrimage to the Holy Land, Jerusalem. To maintain connectivity with the native land and cousins and relatives, they often visit India, too. But, to me, I don’t see Western-Eastern. I see values. Values are values. It is an Eastern-Western world, not one or the other.

GP: Have you found yourself grandparenting any differently since the terrorist attacks of 9/11?

ZN: No. You know, my grandchildren are so smart. They know. In Massachusetts, they are mixed in their class with Portuguese, with white, black, Spanish. Their friends are of all nationalities and all faiths. To us, the Nomanis, we are the same before 9/11 and after 9/11, and the people with whom we interact are the same. They know us very well in and out. You are my friend, and I am your friend, then we are real friends. We will always be friends.

GP: On the video on linktv, there is a space below for comments. Somebody wrote that you were the coolest grandpa in the world. Are you?

ZN: You know, I love my grandchildren. I am alive due to them. How much they love me, and how much I love them, I cannot express to you how much love is there and how they look forward to coming to Morgantown. It is said when you grow older you become more childlike, so I am becoming a child with them. And it’s so peaceful. So... yes, I am cool. (Laughs)