It’s no big deal to surf the Net or pick up the phone to make plane, cruise, or hotel reservations. But when you’re used to booking for two and you lose your mate and traveling partner, everything changes.
That doesn’t mean you spend the rest of your life at home; it means you have to adapt.
When my husband passed away last December, our plans to take our 8-year-old grandson Jakob to Houston were put on hold. Gradually, by late January, I began traveling on assignment; I am a travel writer so I had to get on a ship or plane, or give up a gratifying career.
Soon I traveled to visit family. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. It was at times strange and painful, but travel was a way of life for my husband and me, and I know he would expect me to continue a habit we’d developed early in our 51-year marriage.
Here are 7 tips for getting back out there with your grandchildren.
1. Anticipate anxiety
Ziva Avramovich, facilitator for a bereavement group operated by Jewish Family Service of Broward County, Fla., says, "Any first time, whether it involves fixing a car, working in the garden or on a checking account, any new duty, is difficult. One can be overcome with fear to step into a place without the usual support system." She says new skills and new experiences require you "to be aware and find the strength in yourself and process in your mind the first-time experience."
2. Look ahead
My husband and I had been traveling with Jakob since he was a toddler. He pretty much knew the drill: keep his things together; bedtimes, bath times, and meal times are on grandma’s terms. He knew we’d play Fish and War and he’d play his iPod or read a Hardy Boys book.
This time I wouldn’t have the full-time presence of another adult, although I knew our family in Houston would be there for back-up. I visualized Jakob and me arming ourselves with games, books, and movies, in a taxi to the airport, on the plane, and for the four days we’d be with our Houston relatives.
3. Prepare beforehand
Think about the tasks that your spouse customarily handled, and plan how you will deal with them. For instance, if your mate was the photographer on your trips, get comfy using your camera before you leave. Perhaps you'll buy more postcards to capture memories of famous places. If your partner wrangled the luggage, pack light and carry a fistful of dollars to tip doormen, cabbies, and other baggage handlers.
4. Share your concerns with your grandchild
Jakob and I talked about the difference in this trip and he and I both seemed comfortable tackling it. We are used to each other and he is aware of my loss, feeling it strongly himself. This different experience prompted him to adopt a "protective" role, cautioning me to be sure we had all our bags. When his Houston uncle showed an early Indiana Jones film, Jakob suggested I close my eyes "because this part is really bloody."
5. Consider different travel options
When planning a solo trip with grandchildren, think about taking a cruise or visiting a family resort. Well-trained children’s counselors offer diversions, distractions, and fun programs for your grandchildren. For instance, Carnival Cruise Lines expects to carry a record 600,000 children this year aboard 22 ships — a sixfold increase over the past 12 years. Children, ages 2 to 17, enjoy age-appropriate programs run by youth counselors with college training or professional experience in education, child psychology, or recreation.
6. Tend to yourself
One of the advantages of a family resort or cruise is that the children’s programs allow you crucial time to yourself. Traveling solo with a grandchild requires certain adjustments when you’ve been used to the companionship of your partner. You may need some downtime to read or nap. Or you may seek out other adults for some grown-up conversation.
7. Communicate
Finally, talk through any unforeseen challenges with your pint-size companion. The plane is delayed because of weather, explain. You’re tired and need a rest, explain. The art exhibit isn’t appropriate, explain. Know that kids need reasons.
More How-tos
• Keep plans simple. Don’t over-program. A 24/7 tour of three or four cities tires everyone.
• Make sure your destination is kid-friendly.
• Do some research before leaving home. If your grandchild is old enough, have him visit the internet to investigate museums or pancake houses in the area.
Explaining Death to a Grandchild is never easy. Perhaps now's the time for your own Will and Estate Planning. Enlist your grandchild's help planning a getaway.
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