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Hi,
I am really new here too. Grandmother of two, both my son and daughter have a little girl. I have noticed that I feel much more comfortable around my daughter's baby and much closer to this baby. And, I have also noticed that my son's little girl seems to favor her mom's mom over me. Have other's had this experience? I love both little girls to death, but my daughter's baby is so so special. Will it always be this way??
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Nanagannia
08/05/08 @ 06:34 AM
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1
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Hi,
This is my first post. I have six children of my own (3girls/3boys.) my two oldest, a son and a daughter, have a total of five children. I can not honestly say that I feel closer to my daughter's two girls, although I do feel more comfortable giving advice, making recommendations, etc. to my daugher as opposed to my daughter-in -law. However, I am equally as close to my son's children. My own mother-in-law always made a point of telling me that she felt closer to her daughters' children. That always hurt, so maybe my own feelings toward the grandchildren have something to do with that. Also my son lives closer to us, so I see those children more often.
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6plus5
08/05/08 @ 05:17 PM
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2
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Hi! I feel closer to my son's children than my daughters but that may be because took care of them as infants while my daughter in law worked.I My daughter in law's mom has an issue with this as does my daughter in law but have a special bond that would not be easy to break. They are getting older now and can see through the things that go on.
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Briansnana
08/07/08 @ 01:52 PM
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. I just was talking about this.
my mother in law only has 2 grand children { although she really has 6. } my child was the first born but not the favoirite ( BOY )
my sister inlaw had a girl 6 monthes after my son was born, In this famiy " the only children that count are GIRLS." She thinks she is fair but she is any thing but fair.
my kids are now 34 and 37 they only express the hurt they feel with this grand mother who totally not only didnt treat them nice but brags how fair she was and she wasn't or stillisn't fair at all..
how ever, it is ironic my two sons are the two that do EVERYTHING for her ,and the two favorites could care less about her and wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire!. she still favors them regardless. I have two grand children and I was just telling my husband they are both my favorites. for different reasons. I look for the BEST in them BOTH ,one is silly and loving and adorable, and makes us laugh and is handy in crafts. The other is precious and quiet and has a big heart and is affectionate. and smart and artistic .
both have their own qualities and both have things I wish I could change. if we have a third or 4th or no matter how many number of grand kids , I will do the same ,look for the best in them all, and play that up. and not focus on the negative .BOth of my grand daughters are cute, but one is cuter than the other,... however the other one has gorgeous hair and skin.. I know the pain, to watch your child compete for the top child award and lose, when your child hurts you bleed right along with them. No matter how they have tried to get this grandparent tolove them it is fruitless. she never will . I vowed to never ever favor one child over another I even, do that with my own children, I looked for the best in them both ,and play off those assetts. Both feel equally loved , they have told me, they feel this way, and wondered how I did that? When my second grand daughter was still in t he womb ,my MIL called me constantly and told me "I was never going to love the second child like the first " " the first would always be more speical I" told her funny my child was the first.... yet you love the second better! she replied " that is because she is a girl". my advise to you is to find common ground some thing special ab out each grand child and to divide your affections. Equally
the pain of not living up to the favoirte can be the most pain ful thing a child ever goes through.
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littlelotto
08/07/08 @ 02:09 PM
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4
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I have 8 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. While I love all of my grandchildren, i do favor one little boy who is Autistic. Because of his special needs I spend extra time with him and cater to his needs. I do also, I think favor my great granddaughter. I don't know why or even if I really do favor her. I think maybe because I love being a granddad and she makes me a great granddad, which is something I could not be without her.
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KKD1888
08/07/08 @ 02:26 PM
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I have 3 grandchildren: 2 precious girls and a boy. I seem to favor the boy more. Perhaps it because my son,his father, died 3 years ago. My grandson is only 4 now and I think the only way he will know who his father was is if he gets it from our side of the family. Plus, he looks so much like his sweet daddy and seems to have the same heart--very demonstrative in his feelings. My other son's girls are wonderful, but they don't seem to need me as much. Also, I raised two boys. I know what to do with them better than girls. I can't even fix their hair very well--or tie bows, or all that girly stuff and the oldest is a girly girl. They are precious and I adore them, but that boychild is one special kid.
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KP
08/07/08 @ 02:27 PM
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I agree with those who do not play favorites. My hubby's parents did that with the "first born" of their children. It made the second and third children feel left out and unloved -- and has caused some severe emotional issues in one of the grandchildren. My MIL cannot find any love at all for her step-great grandchildren and that breaks my heart for them. She is downright mean (verbally) to them when the parents aren't watching. It's a sad situation. I don't know if it was a generational thing or not, but I don't see so much of this in my generation. Maybe I've just not been exposed to it, but I see parents who are able to love each of their children and young grandchildren equally. We only have one grandchild now, but we never played favorites with our own children and love them each equally, for the same and totally different reasons. We adore our granddaughter, but can't wait for our son to have children. We figure God gave us big hearts to love each the same. I believe that if even in your heart you can't help it and you favor one child over another, you should never let them know that, see that or feel that. All children should be loved and treated equally. A child who is shown love learns to love.
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momster4de3
08/07/08 @ 02:46 PM
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I have 4 grandchildren ages ranging from 11 to 17 and each one is a favorite.. they are all 4 unique and there for a favorite in their own way. They all belong to my son, 2 are boys and 2 are girls. They each enjoy doing different things so it is easy to focus on what they like. I love them beyond belief and relish in the love they show me.
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mamaw24
08/07/08 @ 02:56 PM
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I am a grand-mother of three adorable grand-children. Two of them are with my son and his wife. They are great! They both work hard, take vacations, buy things they need, and their children are well behaved. Now I never have to worry about them not getting fed, getting up to go to school, getting baths, etc. Now my daughter has a little girl, 10, and my daughter has never been married, so basically it has been her, my grand-daughter, and us, grandpa and grandma. Now we give her more attention, it has nothing to do with loving any of them more or less. But she almost died a week after she came home from the hospital. One of those six tests they do before they leave the hospital, came back and she was born without a thyroid! So they had to put five lights on her, and we were not able to hold her, and to watch her cry made it even worse. They were going to send her to Riley, but she started coming out of it with medicine and lights, so she stayed at Ball. But the thyroid is what develops the brain, so three times a week, the nurses would come in, and take blood from her foot, to see how her thyroid level was doing. She could get brain damage. Then we found out, she was legally blind in her left eye. So we had to start seeing a specialist in Indianapolis. Then we also found out she had something called DeWaynes Syndrome. So she was doctoring at Riley, and still is for her thyroid, and then she sees a specialist in Indianapolis for her eyes. She was also suppose to have braces put on her legs, but they were hoping she would grow out of that. Plus they lived with me for awhile. Now my daughter, I would like to say was a good mother, and well maybe she was, but I was the one who bathed her, let the nurses in, etc. I got extremely close to her. Then her mother got a house, but was lazy, didn't want to work, and I had my grand-daughter most of the time. It got so bad that my grand-daughter didn't want to go home. And with the people running in and out, I could understand. It wasn't nothing for me to walk in, and find ten cans laying around, ash trays filled, etc. So before I got real sick, I started going down on week-ends, and cleaned her house from top to bottom! Did laundry, changed sheets, washed the refrigerator out, etc. She moved, and moved, and now we are paying all her bills (for my grand-daughters sake), because I don't want her moving up to were her dad lives, because he is no better. They both love their drugs. My daughter actually uses my grand-daughter against me to try and get some of my pain pills! My husband has had it. I am in bad health and very depressed. The reason I haven't did anything about it is, my daughter says she has a paper drawn up stating that my grand-daughter's dad's sister gets my grand-daughter if something happens to my daughter. Now her aunt, which is who I am talking about only lives two hours away, but she has only been in our city one time in 10 years to see my grand-daughter!! We are the ones who have gave up our lives for her. Our money, etc. I have no regrets. I asked my daughter, why would you do such a thing? She said I knew you was going to get her (she was in heavy drugs) so I ran up there and her dad paid to have the paper drew up! So I am walking on thin ice, tippy toed, so I don't make a wrong move and lose my grand-daughter. She does NOT want to go there. She has begged her mom to have it changed. So it has been a mess around here for 10 years. As for the other two grand-children, I take them, I love them with all my heart, and they don't want for nothing. As a matter of fact, they just got back from Walt Disney World!! I was hoping my other grand-child could of went, but it is not their responsibility. My son and his wife knows what is going on, and their children aren't even aloud down there. I would die for any one of my grand-kids! I love them all the same. It's just that one needs me so much more than the other two. And believe it or not, my other grand-daughter that is 9 with my son, understands completely. When they are here, we have alot of fun. Like I said, the one grand-child is so much more needy. It breaks my heart every day! I hope this helps!
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jaciladybug
08/07/08 @ 04:30 PM
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I have 6 beautiful granddaughters and an awesome grandson on the way, I do favor my eldest grandchild however, she is a mini-me, in looks, personality and attitude and we share an incredible bond, one that is unbreakable, she is now 7 and we write to one another, it is wonderful, my other 5 are just as wonderful in the love we share and phone conversations, they all know Grandma immediately whether it is in person, phone or letters. I am excitedly waiting for the birth of my grandson, it will be a beautiful day!
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khascall
08/07/08 @ 05:03 PM
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FAVOR A GRANDCHILD! how can you? They are each so different and a love in their own right. Even if I had a problem with mom or dad, they were or were not biological, had physical or emotional problems I could never EVER do that. Have heard of horror stories of grandparrents who do and ultimatly they get what they deserve-Karma can be a beautiful thing when it is something for someone who is that cruel to anyone baby to adult!
Hugs
Laura
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lauramushkat
08/07/08 @ 05:11 PM
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I use to think (and have been accused) that I loved my oldest Granddaughter most because she was named after me. I admit there is a special bond and because I am female it is esy to by things for her. But as others came along I realized I loved them all equally. The bonds I have with each one are special and unique to that child. It does hurt your heart when a daughter-in-law is close to her Mom and family that she shuts you out but I have come to realize that as I have examined my own mothering that mother's and daughter's bonds are so strong not much comes between them including their husband's mother. I do have one that I am as close to as my own daughter because she let me in.
I noticed when my son (2nd child) was born after my daughter that my feelings were different and special for him, different than for my daughter. Not more special, just different. I had 6 kids and each of them I am close to but differently and in different ways.
We all bring life experiences to gandparenting that shape us and help or hinder us. Our most incorrigable granchild is still wonderful and special in his own right but we have to figure out how to grandparent him and sometimes it takes more than just love.
To Grandparenting! Hurray!
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GrammaKris
08/07/08 @ 05:45 PM
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Hey, Actually I find that I am guilty of this. I have six grandchildren, 5 boys and one girl. I love all of them but...My oldest grandson lived with for his first 3 years because my daugther was in the Navy. This sometimes causes jealousy with my other daughter. Besides that my son's only child was born thankfully to artificl insemination. My youngest daughter treats him like he's not really a part of the family! I just adore him, it doesn't matter to me whose sperm was used. I'm just grateful that we have him at all, my son has diabetes so he can't have children of his own. I think my daughter-in-law was concerned too when he was first born but I think I've shown her that love has nothing to do with genes. If anyone else has had to deal with these kinds of situations I'd love to hear how you deal with it. I usually do okay, but sometimes i just get kind of looking for the right way to deal with it. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
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NancyR
08/07/08 @ 06:02 PM
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Yes, I suppose my oldest grandson Markus. My daughter had him when she was in high school so I helped raise him. I love them all, but Markus is special. I feel guilty sometimes because my mother had favorites, but I can't help how I feel. I have 4 total grandkids and love them all but my Markus is special, He is very political, just like me. He loves to debate, just like me. Does this mean I dont love the others no!
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Bucca
08/07/08 @ 06:37 PM
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I have 5 grand-daughters I love them all the same. I do favor 2 of I feel closer to 2 of them only because they lived with me. I feel like I raised them. My daughter was 16 when she had her first daughter. I was the first one to hold her.
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sprky5
08/07/08 @ 07:09 PM
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