Try not to bottle up the feelings or put them completely aside, as they will always be there and might come out in ways you don't intend. Take appropriate times to grieve, and then live in the now - the now of your beautiful new grandchild!

Let me know if I can be of any further help or direct you and your family to grief and loss resources.

Take care of yourself - AmyG (SVP, Outreach, Grandparents.com)

But please don't lose sight of the obvious -- it's a horrible tragedy for your daughter and SIL. too. One way for grandparents to "get through" this, I think, is to be strong for the parents. But -- how can I say this? --please don't expect to get "entirely through" it. The ache will never totally go away. My dear late dad never completely got over the death of his oldest son (from his first marriage) and I doubt any of you will ever fully get over the loss of that little boy. Please just do the best you can.

But meanwhile, there's that new baby on the way. And it feels a little strange to rejoice in that -- even a little strange for me to say "Congratulations!" Yet I will b/c I believe that every child deserves to be greeted with the same fanfare as any other.

Simultaneously, your grief is still fresh. So I understand your question: "how do you grieve and celebrate a new birth at the same time?" What a dilemma! I admit I'm not sure how to answer you. I guess it's similar to how you fuss over a new child while still giving attention to the older one. Please don't let your sorrow overshadow the love and welcome that this new baby is entitled to. When you're with him/her focus on him/her and how sweet/cute/lovable he/she is. Grieve for the little boy you've lost, of course -- you need to and he "has a right to it," as well. But do that away from the new baby, as much as possible, in your private moments,in the quiet of your own home, etc. Say prayers for him, kiss his picture, memorialize him in a thousand ways (albums, online memorials, etc.) Just not while you're with the new child, if you can help. Hopefully, that little newcomer will so melt your heart that this will be easier than you think.

And here again, remember that you and your husband need to be strong for your daughter and hers. Really,you need to all be there for each other, I think. She may have her "dark times," for example, when she needs you to take over. And you may have your bad moments when, say, you need to get off by yourself and your husband will need to pinch-hit for you. Again, it's very possible that this new little doll will make it easier for all of you. (Please, though, don't go to the other extreme and start expecting this new child to be a "replacement" for the deceased one. Not fair to either child and you know it won't truly pan out, anyway.)

Please keep us posted on how things are going. My warmest thoughts and most heartfelt prayers are with you and your family Fredigram

Years ago I lost my second child at the delicate age of 8. It was devastating, but I had to carry on because of my older child. There were plenty of times that I grieved alone...there were other times that we grieved as a family. But you do need to go through those emotions. The one thought that stayed with me for a long time was the precariousness of having children. They can leave you in a second...and break your heart into a zillion pieces!! Why would anyone want to take that chance?

Then my younger sister became pregnant - we were always very close - and she asked me to be her coach. Wow! I was so happy for her and yet so scared of the possibility that she might lose a child now too. And that's when I realized that it was a new fear inside me. But I had to be there for her and, believe it or not, that helped ME a lot. I was there for the birth of my nephew and, to this day, my sister says no one cried more tears of joy than me when this beautiful child entered the world.

And that's my point of this long tale: I'm sure when you first see your new beautiful grandchild, your heart will explode and fill most of the void "E" left inside you. All you can do is take it one step at a time...one day at a time. On the days you're feeling sad, give yourself over to grief. On the days you're feeling overwhelmed, share it with someone. And talk about "E" A LOT, that will help you and your family with the grief, and keep your grandchild alive in your hearts forever. And most importantly, let yourself FEEL the spectacular joy of the new birth.

I hope my experience can help you in some small way (I don't tell it to many). My heart still aches every day for my lost daughter, as I'm sure yours will for "E", but I think the birth of a new grandchild will really help you over that hump. And that will turn out to be a huge blessing for you all. Please keep us updated on how it's going for you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Having lost two sons myself, I can only say that with time it does get easier. We remember the fun times and we laugh and now we can even talk about the times that were not so good, or when they were not so good, and we laugh about that as well. It takes time, and you must take baby steps. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and please remember that if the Lord brought you to it, he will bring you through it. Just keep your faith and know that this was all part of a big plan and he will walk this journey with you. Hugs to you, Nana Laura

Please allow yourself to grieve. You are not taking anything away from your new grandbaby. You are feeling deeply what has been taken from you. I hope that the parents will allow themselves to grieve as well and not try to bury their feelings for the sake of their new little one. As the new baby grows you will all be reminded of everything you shared with your first grandchild. You will be amazed again at how wonderful grandchildren are. The new baby will be cherished and enjoyed even more because you now know how precious each memory is. Right now, all the feelings are confused, but please know that they will all be sorted out as you meet and experience the love you have for your new grandbaby in addition to the love you have for your grandson who lives fully in your heart.

Your family is in my prayers. God bless you!

Me (Grandma) -- I live in MN and they live in FL... Being divorced and too young to retire,
I had to return to MN. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt not being able to stay longer for them.

For all of us, learning to forgive yourself for something that we really had no control over is hard.. this guilt comes back for all of us on every event -- anniversary of his death, special occasion, seeing his friends, sometimes even hearing his name...

But life does go on... "E"'s little brother, Grant was born just 3 weeks after his death. I truly believe that Grant has saved his parents' lives. Grant is a very happy, smiling little guy who gives them a reason to get up in the morning and to keep going...

I hate the saying "time heals wounds" but time does ease the pain. Tears still come. Sadness still hits us... but we continue to move forward -- sometimes more for Grant's sake than ours own -- but each day is step forward.

Parents/Grandparents -- take the extra minute to play with your child/grandchild... hug them ever day.. tell them "I love you"... make the most of everyday you have with them... so you never have any regrets...

Have they thought about grief counseling? Have you? I've heard it can help a lot.

I LOVE your advice at the end of your post. But if Ethan was so "bubbly" and "bright," I'm sure he got enough love and attention to suit his needs... Peace...

@All- If you're concerned about taking that "extra minute," why not check out the group "spending quality time with your grandchildren?" Or "Go Play Outside?" And/or if they're old enough, "Travel with Grandchildren?" Food for thought...