5 Signs Your Grandchild Is Being Bullied

The statistics are alarming: Between 15 and 25 percent of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency, according to the American Public Health Association. And in a Families & Work Institute study, 32 percent of pre-teens surveyed said they had been bullied at least once, 46 percent said they had been hit or shoved at least once, and 18 percent had been hurt physically five times or more over the course of a month. And that's just the stuff that's been reported. It's no exaggeration to say that bullying has reached epidemic proportions.

The suicide rate among bullying victims is increasing, social media and cell phone threats are becoming more common, and our grandchildren have little with which to defend themselves. But how do you know? Especially when kids tend not to talk, or think that telling might make the situation worse?

Bullying expert, Rosalind Wiseman, says grandparents, in particular, are in a unique position to support kids. “Grandparents are in an extraordinary role to be the safe haven for their grandchildren,” she says. “Sometimes it’s too worrisome and hard for children to tell their own parents.”

Wiseman, who was an educator for several years, now works with teachers and parents throughout the country on ways to decrease bullying in the classroom. She’s written several best-sellers on the topic, including Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, which served as the inspiration for the hit movie, Mean Girls. How to tell if your grandchild is being bullied? Read on.

A dramatic drop in your grandchild’s grades and an increased anxiety about going to school can be signs of bullying. And as we all know, troubling behavior is usually a cry for help. “Your grandchild lives in a very different world,” Wiseman says, “and just because bullying has been happening forever doesn’t mean it’s right.”

Believe it or not, Wiseman says, children most often confide in a grandparent, since they see you as a comfort zone. What kids typically do is briefly mention the problem to you, she adds. “They’ll say something very general to grandparents, something like, ‘The kids are teasing me.’” If they begin to open up, it's important that you don’t overreact. Instead ask them for more details, like: “Can you tell me more specifically what is being said to you?” Once you get a clear picture of what's happening, you can create a plan of action together more easily.

Although kids can, and do, change their minds, a sudden disengagement from sports or a favorite hobby could mean trouble is brewing. “There’s always a good reason why kids do what they do,” Wiseman adds. “It might be annoying to you or their parents if they 'miss' the bus everyday. But chances are, they would rather [ask for a ride] (and take the heat from you), than take the bus to school if they’re getting bullied.”

According to Wiseman, dropping friends is a red flag. “If they swap out friends or suddenly stop hanging out with someone, then there’s a reason,” she says. It could be that your grandchild decided he doesn't like his group of friends anymore—but it's also possible that the decision was made for him by the other kids.

Digital harassment is becoming a pervasive element of bullying. With the increased use of social media at home and on mobile phones and devices, cyberbullying is becoming the bullying norm. “Grandparents did not grow up with no privacy and 24/7 access to the nasty things other children say about them,” Wiseman notes. But don’t rush to limit your grandkids' Internet and phone access or add blockers. “It won’t stop it,” she says. Instead, take a step back, and hear them out, then devise a solution together.

For more information on how to protect kids from bullying, go to stopbullying.gov