5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Mother-In-Law

In the heat of the moment, the wrong words can come out. Try to keep these in.

By Amy Schulman
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I have uttered 2 of these phrases and do not regret it at all.

My in-laws are obsessed about money or more importantly, parading around as if they have money. Social-climbing and name-dropping, all they do is comment on how much money so-and-so has, what country clubs their "friends" belong to and how they are the jet-set crowd.

It's almost comical considering they both grew up incredibly destitute.

That said, their son and I don't appreciate their outspoken disdain for the blue-collar, working class neighbors and family in our circle.

If our child wants to be a plumber or a schoolteacher or a firefighter, we don't plan on ridiculing him or her and shame our child because they can't provide for private school and annual vacations for their families.

They had their chance to impart their materialistic priorities on their son, now they have to keep their snotty opinions to themselves!

2. The Trump Card--um yeah!!!

You can call criticizing my parenting, demeaning my family of origin, meddling in my marriage "opinions" all you want.

But I view malicious points of view to be just that and I will not tolerate such disrespect.

As such, my children and I will not attack you back by engaging in words of contempt. Nah, I'll keep my "opinions" to myself.

But my children and I will stay away from you. You are not entitled to verbally and emotionally abuse me.

Find another family to antagonize because this one is walking away. Am I bullying you because I refuse to subject myself and my kids to hostile grandparents? Please.

Olivegirl on 2017-08-18 15:36:12

Sounds to me like you are a very good mother and doing all you can to keep your kids' grandmother in their lives. Bravo for you.

You can ask the teachers not to speak with the grandmother if the child is having any problems in school. You don't even have to tell her you've done so. The children's education is between you and the school. I'm a teacher and I know kids wouldn't necessarily want me to reveal things to Grandma, except how wonderful they are. Ask the principal to communicate to the teacher(s), "If Grandma asks how Kate is doing, just say something positive. Share your concerns , if you have any, only with Kate's mother." (That is your legal right.) If she doesn't know you've made this request, all the better. She won't feel hurt.

Also you need to let your MIL know that the number one source of drugs for adolescents (grades 5 and up) is their very own parents. The kids steal the parents' cigs, alcohol, or weed or worse, and in some cases, a parent actually introduces it to the kids. She may not believe it, but it is true. Tell her that you want her there whenever your ex is near the kids.

Finally, teach your kids that you don't want the problems: you want the solutions. Your daughter could be the one to tell Grandma politely not to bring up the subject of bras, especially in the store. You can sympathize with your daughter about what Gram did, but let the child deal directly with Gram when she can, when she doesn't need your intervention. It will make for a healthier relationship between the two of them.

And tell the kids that when they are over there overnight, you still want a goodnight, I love you call from them.

survsylvania@yahoo.com on 2013-07-22 23:07:18

My Ex Mother In Law has her life revolve around my kids and is trying to be the mother to my two kids but especially to my daughter! I need some help and advice from the grandparents.com community. I am a 32 year old mother of two. I divorced the father of my children due to his ongoing criminal, and drug abuse habits that did not change despite help from doctors and support from me. It's been 5 years. Through those years my relationship with my ex mother in law has had its ups and downs. Thru all of our issues I have always made sure my children, her grandchildren have had a relationship with her. My ex husband has been in and out of the kids lives. I have had to get numerous court orders either limiting visitation or revoking visitations b/c he was taking them places that no one should be in. My ex mother in law has enabled his habits, by giving him money and even lieing to the police on several occasions for him. When I tell her she is not helping him only hindering his ability to get better, she says she doesn't think he is even on drugs. There have been several instances when the kids have been visiting with her and I've gone to pick them up only to find my ex is there, clearly under the influence of drugs. When I ask myex mother in law what's going on she simply repeats the lie that she has been fed by my ex. My ex mother in law also is mentally messing with my children. One example is, my daughter is becoming of age to start wearing a training bra. I didn't want to make her feel weird about it so I talked to her in a matter of factly tone and explained everyone has to start at one point. My ex mother in law make my daughter feel embarrassed by constantly pointing out bra's while they are out shopping or calling my daughters attention to when she is folding bra's and then laughs. My children still spend every other weekend with my ex in laws as if my ex was still in picture. But when my kids are over there they are made to feel bad if they have any communication with me. I am sorry this is so long, but these problems have been going on for years and despite my best efforts to kindly communicate with my ex mother in law that I am the mother of my children not her, it seems that her behavior only gets worse. She set up and planned my daughter's half birthday party, making sure all the parents call her back to RSVP. (my daughter is born a couple of days after xmas so we have a "half bday" or get together in summer) She has even gone to my kids school and introduced herself to their teachers and tries to get involved with their education as if she is the mother. I am looking for any insight or advice on this. She is a good grandparent when she doesn't over-step the mother/grandmother line, or when she is not using psychological techniques to control the kids behavior, or when she is not letting my ex come around under the influence of drugs. I don't want to restrict the kids but it maybe coming down to it b/c I am all out of ideas. By the way my kids stay with her every other weekend, my ex husband did live there on and off for several years and me and the courts figured it would be a safe/monitored environment for the kids to visit in. Please, anyone with any suggestions in r/t this situation, so that I can improve my relationship w/ my ex mother in law and so that my kids can see that everything will be ok would be so greatly appreciated! ~~frustrated daughter/drained mother
Frustrateddaughter on 2013-05-26 08:33:03

Frustrateddaughter on 2013-05-30 12:21:38

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